Published On:Tuesday, February 02, 2010

LEARNING how to compete and get attention starts at an early age for girls. Being 'Daddy's Number 1 girl' in the family structure is often of paramount importance. Seeing or sensing a shift in position brings spiritedness similar to mature women.

Flirting and pleasing Daddy helps regain the prized position. As we grow up we observe behaviour and mannerisms of older women. We intuitively pick up on things that work, and things that do not, on the road towards captivating the chosen mate. The drive to compete for the trophy is as powerful a force for both men and women. However, it is the woman to woman sexual battle that is often underestimated.

Just as men try to emulate the characteristics that they think women admire, so do women. How many times have we been told that men are very visual? We only have to watch men proudly showing off their 'eye candy' draped over their arms to know that this is true. Many think this has a lot to do with our modern day culture and the idolising of celebrities. However, when we scan our history books we quickly realise that this has been present for centuries and throughout the world.

If we start questioning how important physical beauty is for sexual attraction then we only have to add up the time and money spent. The goal is usually to appear youthful, well groomed, without imperfections and in glowing good health. Put all these things together and you produce something very visually appealing. This may sound inconsequential to those who believe that 'beauty is from within.'

Certainly, for long term attraction men are also deeply drawn to intelligence, humour, honesty and faithfulness. This is why it is important to develop other aspects of our personality so that we are not only seen for our looks. Cultivating the 'whole package' is recommended because sexual attraction alone is unlikely to sustain a long term partnership.

The whole picture can quickly change and become more sexually charged when other women enter the race. If we were to document the menstrual cycles of the more overtly sexual women we would probably find them to be ovulating. This is nature's way of making a woman's body ripe for conception and the driving force to find a sought-after mate.

For some women just winning is the main motivator for pushing to the front of the race. Proving that she can seduce whom ever she desires, helps to boost confidence and desirability. These tactics may work at times, but all too often they back fire. The game of 'tit for tat' starts and polite etiquette goes out the window. To poach in someone else's territory means that you open the door to then have the same done to you. Revenge is a dangerous sexual motivator and one that can have lasting consequences.

The long term harm is in the damaging labeling or disparaging gossip about a woman's sexual history. Hinting or dropping innuendoes is enough to tarnish any woman's reputation. The aim in doing this is to make her appear less desirable as a friend for women and to men as a long term partner. Women's friendships play heavily on loyalty and are quickly destroyed when there is a sense of betrayal. Knowing this other women will keep away as they do not want to be linked by association. The target's social standing and future opportunities for a partner have been tainted. The sad fact is that there is no way to refute such damaging claims and the harm has already been done.

Fighting or at least vying over a desirable mate has been around from time begun, and definitely is not going anywhere. Are you one to step out of a race, compete in the middle without any hope in winning, or always be the one upfront? Whatever your personality dictates, it is important to do it 'your way' and not to be intimidated by others. Be confident that your true self will shine out, and who ever you are meant to meet will see the real you.

* Listen to 'Love on the Rock' with Maggie Bain every Thursday 5-6pm on Island FM 102.9

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