It Could Happen To You cover

Published On:Thursday, February 04, 2010

By REUBEN SHEARER

Tribune Features Reporter

rshearer@tribunemedia.net

IN THE 52 pages of her book, 'It Could Happen To You," Paulette Stubbs chronicles her life from a difficult childhood of emotional problems, including a teenage pregnancy, a self induced abortion, and marriage to a man who turned out to be violent, ultimately forcing her to take her life by the reins.

She says God rescued her from the clutches of physical, emotional and financial abuse.

Ms Stubbs said early on, she was deceived. During marriage counseling sessions, her husband appeared to be the perfect spouse. No one at the church believed her when she revealed his true nature.

"At church he was a totally different person from the man I knew at home," said Ms Stubbs. "He attended all the prayer meetings while I stayed home, so in the eyes of fellow church members, I was the Jezebel wife."

"Many individuals within our society believe that abuse is acceptable, and those who endure it usually blame themselves for the abuser's behaviour and try to change that person."

To avoid this trend in the life of the abused, she stresses these points as keys to live by:

"Ignoring abuse is dangerous; You cannot change an abusive person's behavior; You are not to blame, Get help; and Do not remain silent if you are being abused."

Ms Stubbs said her decision to ultimately leave the abusive environment she endured for years was to demonstrate to her children that her husband's actions were intolerable period, and that they shouldn't be treated that way.

"Walking away from that environment showed my children that they are more important to me than that marriage was," she said. "It also set the standard for every other relationship they may enter, and reminds them that there is no room for disrespect or abuse, because I no longer allowed it."

Growing up as a competitive child against her younger sister, Ms Stubs said she grew insecure about herself and at age 15 became pregnant. Ms Stubbs soon married a man who she assumed to be charming, and the best fit for their marriage.

But he soon turned out to be a terrorising, controlling individual, and was extremely overbearing in their relationship. It wasn't until the abuse escalated to a few near-death altercations, one which finally ended in the Emergency Room with a concussion and multiple sustained injuries to her body that she left.

Ms Stubbs recommends the book for anyone entering today's dating arena. 'It Could Happen To You' addresses unhealthy relationships and outlines red flag behaviours of potential abusers and offers helpful tips to prevent individuals from succumbing to a life of abuse.

Reflecting on her numerous near death experiences as a result of being abused, Ms Stubbs said, "those who choose to accept abusive treatment or blame themselves, need to understand that what we continue to tolerate, will never change."

"It is dangerous to ignore abuse of any kind, be it emotional, physical, spiritual or financial. What may begin as a push, or slap today, may ultimately end in death."

'It Could Happen To You' "is a message of hope and healing to anyone affected (directly or indirectly) by abuse; and for those entering the dating arena, it provides them with tips on how to recognise traits of potentially abusive persons."

"Prevention is key," says Ms Stubbs. "I wish someone else could have given me this information."

Psychologist Dr Barrington H Brennen, Marriage & Family Therapist of the USA highly recommends this read, saying: "I believe that this book can change lives. It is an excellent tool, from a lay person's perspective on the dynamics of abusive relationships."

The official launch of 'It Could Happen To You," was held on Saturday November 14, 2009 at Chapter One Bookstore in Oakes Field.

Paulette Stubbs currently serves as Deputy Head of Accounting & Operations at a leading offshore bank. She is also the founder of Heaven Help Us Literature and serves a volunteer to various youth outreach ministries and civic organizations.

Ms Stubbs says, "If this book saves just one life from abuse, then what I have been through would have been worth it."

In closing the autobiographical portion of the book, Ms Stubbs says, "Today, I say to my offender in the words of Joseph, 'You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives,' Genesis 50:20 (NIV)."