Published On:Tuesday, February 09, 2010

By Maggie Bain

The week of love and romance has arrived again. Red and white and heart shapes seem to be everywhere. Do you think we notice it more because we need to be reminded, or that it highlights what is missing in our lives?

Compare it to seeing pregnant women at every turn when you want to conceive. Or do we think of it as another hyped up day to encourage us to spend our hard earned dollars? Whichever way we choose to look at it the fact remains that we all crave love, romance and passion in our lives. Yes, we know we should be expressing it throughout the year but we are human, and some of us need a little nudge or kick start.

To give a gift or not give a gift? That is the question. How much to spend and should the value reflect the amount of love and appreciation felt? Sorry women, evidence does reflect that men are often the sole gift givers, and if not, then theirs usually has the greater monetary value. The practice of gift giving to win and ultimately gain access to a woman sexually has been present for centuries and in all cultures.

Men's natural instinct to appreciate the female form produces a competitiveness and a drive to win the prize. Women, on the other hand do not generally see all men in this way and therefore are in a position to be more selective. Throw into the mix the fact that pregnancy is a greater investment and women hold the ability to bestow or withhold as they wish.

Even in societies where there is greater equality between the genders, there is still an imbalance in the gift giving.

Whether we call it 'sugar baby', 'sugar daddy', or 'sweetie' the concept of financially secure man supporting a woman in exchange for gifts is very common in our society. The number of websites highlights the popularity of this lifestyle. For many women ,this is a clear choice which enables them to live the 'high life' without enduring the drudgery of a 9 to 5 job. For many, romance and loyalty develops from the constant gift giving.

When we reduce it to this level it all sounds so unromantic; sex equals gifts. A gentler way of looking at this trade is an exchange for closeness, affirmation of love, and a deeper intimacy. Doesn't this happen in marriage and other committed relationships? Gifts can also be given as money. Here we get into the murky demarcation line between gift giving and prostitution. Would it be wrong to say that one way or another men have to barter for sex?

For many the world of prostitution highlights the high demand for sexual services that will never change. It can make women vulnerable to abuse, dominance and exploitation as a sex commodity. Others argue that the same can be said about models, actors and athletes as they use their bodies to gain high fees and sponsorships.

When we sit on our judgment seat we should remember women in parts of the world who have to resort to prostitution because of their limited options for survival. In some countries a single, divorced or disfigured woman with children is considered 'tarnished' and can not remarry. She is forced then, by circumstance, to support herself and her children by prostitution. Of course, in no way can we compare this to sex trafficking which preys on the women's poverty. They are lured by greedy traffickers who enslave girls and women against their will. Again supply and demand makes this a difficult circle to break.

Today, we also hear the term 'friends with benefits' and 'booty calls'. This has become an attractive option for both men and women due to fears of sexually transmitted diseases. The idea of casual, non committal sex with someone you know, rather than a stranger, becomes very appealing. This concept may seem alarming to the older generation but it is important to understand that young women have been educated to enjoy their sexuality. Again it is sexual pleasure that is being bartered.

Knowing all of this, is it the symbolism, rather than the monetary value, that we attach to these gifts that makes it acceptable? In sex therapy we now know that a woman's level of arousal is highly influenced by what she anticipates she will gain. Be encouraged men, buy those Valentine gifts, and delight in the return of your investment.