Published On:Tuesday, August 31, 2010

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Writer

A FEW years ago I watched a seemingly romantic love story on Lifetime. My memory of the movie is a bit blurred, however I do recall the movie being centered around lies, deception, and betrayal.

In the movie a woman falls in love with a man who seemed to be the "perfect" gentleman. He was smoother than the sensual timbre of jazz. He was wealthy, he had charisma, he was sensitive, not to mention attractive and skilled at making the woman believe she was the only one that made his eyes twinkle.

After a few years of dating, the woman found out the man who she fell head over heels for was married. Her heart shattered into a million pieces.

Four women weighed in on this situation and told Tribune Woman how this ordeal would affect their lives. Two of the women said in the end a situation like this could only spawn the most undesirable results.

"I would be so devastated especially if we were in a long term relationship. I would confront his wife for one and let her know everything that has been going on and probably end all relations or connections with him," said Lakia Brown.

Dirty Deed

She said his dirty deed would be exposed to everyone she came into contact with. "I would bad mouth him to the world. Everyone who knows him would know what he did to me, the pastor, the people in the church, the people at the bar, the people around the corner, his family, my family and everyone. He will be exposed," she said.

Ms Brown said although it would hurt her she will do her best to get over him.

"I would rather hurt myself and end the relationship with him as oppose to allowing him to hurt me. It is not like me to break up a home whether it be a happy home or if it is a home that is filled with problems. People are slick and sly and know just how to hide big details of their life," she said.

Marika Rolle is more concerned about her reputation than her feelings.

"I can't be seen dating a married man and I'll try not to bring his wife into the situation to avoid hurting her. But if I see he's doing for more by saying he wants to be with the both of us, I'll be forced to inform his wife of his stupidity," she said.

"The simple thing to do would be to leave. But it isn't as easy as it sounds. When you actually fall in love with a person its extremely hard to automatically stop thinking about them. I would try to slowly phase him out of my life. I would have to be determined to let him go. And as time passes I will call him less and start dating other men to help with this process."

Compromise

If wealth is involved, it would in some way influence Allea Brown's decision making.

"If he is very wealthy and has a lot of money and I am working at a job that is only paying minimum wage hell- yes I am staying with him. But if I have a good job whereas I can support myself maybe not," Ms Brown explained.

"A situation like this can set someone off. I would feel so dirty and end up doing something I might regret because I have some serious anger issues. The entire relationship was a waste of time."

Jacklyn Frazer said if a man ever does something like that to her he can pretend he never knew her. "I would cut him off. The sin of fornication is already enough, not to mention with a married man. Also, I'm far too valuable for him just to play around with, if he loves me I would expect a sincere and genuine commitment, that being marriage, if not he could just leave."

For the men and women who engage extramarital affairs, Ms Frazer gave a little advice.

"I don't feel its my place to judge, however personally I think its wrong. But then again you never know the situation surrounding the affair. Some men are so conniving and manipulative, she could be the victim.

I would tell the person continuing the relationship not to get their hopes up for anything more than an affair and to try and figure out their self worth and go from there. I would tell the man to stop being greedy! Be man enough to make a sound and honest commitment to one woman," she said.