Published On:Tuesday, September 07, 2010

By Maggie Bain

Do you remember a time when just thinking about your future child produced a sensation that literally made your heart swell? You probably pictured yourself cradling them in your arms, and dreamt of teaching them life's important lessons.

Perhaps, you even had visions of being their role model and protector, until they got their wings and learnt to fly. What may have started as a transient thought soon became a recurring theme, and almost unknowingly your mind was impregnated with the seeds of love.

Whether pregnancies are planned or unexpected, the length of time for mental preparation is the same. Alterations in sleep, eating and mood prepare us for the inevitable shift in priorities. As the months march on, we are constantly reminded of the forthcoming arrival of our love child. A kick here, a punch there, and a summersault remind us of their need to be the centre of our world.

Nesting instincts are set in motion, and provisions for taking care of them are put in place. Baby showers and general excitement builds within the baby's extended world.The seeds of love have grown, and even before setting eyes on them, we yearn to know and love them.

This particular training course is not exclusive to mothers, and soon to be fathers often feel as if they have completed the 'combat course'. For some, having to 'step up to the plate' and learn how to become a provider and protector catapults them into manhood. Not being included, or choosing not to embrace the new role, removes some of the desire to allow this new love to embed and take root. Being present to experience being hit by the lightening bolt of 'love a first sight' often solidifies the life long love between parent and child.

Learning

Learning how to be a loving parent comes naturally and easily for many. When we feel that our own parents 'did a good job' we find ourselves emulating their values and practices. Successes may be sprinkled with some errors, but through it all a general theme of love is felt. Anticipating a 'change in gears', necessary for adolescence, often unhinges those who thought they were well prepared. The importance of having a mutually respectful open relationship is particularly important at this phase in parenting. Even when it is interpreted as 'tough love', the interest and caring is still present.

For many adults, being asked to pull up childhood memories feels similar to touching a raw nerve. Being aware of things that were missing, or injustices done, makes them acutely aware of holes that need to be filled. Maintaining a fine balance between being sensitive to their child's needs, but not overcompensating, can become a constant challenge.

As life unfolds, the pattern of relationships inevitably change and roles reverse. Elderly parents require the same care and attention that they showed their young ones. The baton of 'Protector and Provider' has now been passed on in the relay race of life. The feeling that we are connected not only by blood, but also by love becomes a sobering lesson.

Some people on reading this may feel excluded, and be unable to relate because of huge areas missing in their lives. Knowing, but feeling ill equipped to replicate 'the dream life' can become debilitating. Attitude, and a desire to achieve growth in our life is the essential ingredient to propel us forward towards our goal.

Where we set the bar, and what we expect, will determine what we achieve in life. Parent - child relationships are often taken for granted and even neglected. To be constant and dependable, in the lives of the people we love, must surely be our daily reminder.

* Maggie Bain is an individual and couples relationship therapist. She is a registered nurse and a certified clinical sex therapist.

Listen to 'Love on the Rock' with Maggie Bain every Thursday 5pm-6pm on Island FM 102.9. For appointments call 364-7230, e-mail relatebahamas@yahoo.com or visit www.relatebahamas.blogspot.com.