How To Improve Your Emotional Intelligence


We live in a highly emotive environment where almost everything we experience filters through the lens of our emotions. Whether it is sadness, anger, fear or the hopeful feelings of happiness, your emotions are real and powerful. They are the undercurrent of your action and behaviour.

Unfortunately, many people are not familiar or even concerned about their emotional economy, not nearly as concerned as they are about the economy of money and prosperity.

It is perplexing that people are so convinced that financial intelligence is the key to success. They are anxious to supposedly, manage their money. Yet, without sound emotional intelligence, your capacity to manage your money will remain elusive at best.

Money is only the means not the way. Your emotional disposition will make or break how you deal with money. Think about it, some of the wealthiest people in the world often snap and or lose control due to unmanaged emotions.

This is because people are emotional first and rational second. Manage your emotions or they will manage you. Fail to manage them and you become the puppet and your emotions the puppet master.

More importantly, by not being in emotional control, it will be difficult to pick up the pieces when things fall apart, as they often do. By managing your emotions, you regain power and control over your life.

Emotional Intelligence, also called EQ, is the ability to be aware of and to manage emotions and relationships. It is a critical factor in personal and professional success. Your IQ will get you in the door, but it is your EQ will ultimately determine how successful you are in life.

When we become emotionally intelligent, we are better able to respond to our challenges rather than reacting. Our emotions are the threads that hold together the fabric of our lives together. So often uncontrolled emotions spill over at home, work, church on even on an airplane. Wherever there are people, you can find overcharged emotions.

We all know the co-worker who is difficult to work with or the angry supervisor whom nobody wants to have supervising them. The workplace is one of the most common breeding grounds for toxic emotions.

Our emotions go wherever we go – arguments from the night before, relationship matters, financial woes or just family matters all show up with us. Maintaining control in the face of an emotional crisis is a challenge. The value of emotional intelligence in the workplace is widely understood. Even so, many workplaces remain emotionally toxic.

In his book “Emotional Intelligence”, Daniel Coleman says, “Emotional intelligence is the capacity not only to be aware of and able to express our emotions but to manage and moderate them effectively too. Emotional intelligence is what prevents anger from turning into rage and sadness into despair.”

Here are five steps to improving your emotional competence: Acknowledge what you are feeling; Try to pinpoint what is the cause; Determine what you can or cannot control; Decide what action you can take now; Choose your lane, life holds two lanes, optimism or pessimism.

Remember emotions have no preference. They exist equally for men and women. By understanding your emotions you are better able to solve the cause of the problem, rather than just dealing with the symptom.

More importantly, emotions only tell you what you are feeling, but they don’t tell you why you are feeling that way. Emotional intelligence helps you to better validate emotions in yourself and others.

Please do not suppress or ignore your emotions. Unexpressed emotions soon become like old water, smelly and deadly. Soon, they poison the person they really seek to serve. Ultimately, your emotions look to you for leadership. They are there to serve you but you must lead the way.

Understand that people are considered noteworthy and extraordinary not because of their IQ, but more so because of their amazing ability to connect with others on an emotional level. They use their power to feed those emotions that best serve their desired progress. Here is a great story to consider.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

These powerful words of wisdom speak to your capacity to focus on feeding those emotions that lift up rather than tear down. In so doing, you determine not only what you are feeling but also what you do with those feelings.

Make today the day that you take the lead to improve your emotional intelligence. Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770. Michelle M. Miller is a certified Life-Coach, Leadership Expert and Author of Take The Lead. She is the CEO of TTL Coaching Strategies and founder of the Girls Leadership Coaching Club.


noelhillman 8 years, 4 months ago

Be open to new ideas and don't restrict yourself.

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