The Tribune

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Writer

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

BAHAMIAN women have pressing questions they want to ask men and they are determined to get answers.

To help them get the information they want, the ‘Real Questions Women Want Men to Answer’ Facebook group was started. The online forum allows women the opportunity to ask hard-hitting questions for men to answer. The group as grown rapidly within a short time. Now, its administrator, Johnathon Edgecombe, hopes to bring the success of the social media community out of cyber space and into the real world with the establishment of a support group.  

The Real Questions group started after Johnathon was continuously asked by women about his perspective on relationships and other issues. They came to him when they wanted a male voice. This was the springboard for the social media community he launched.

Today, the group has more than 7,000 members – comprised of men and women who seek answers to some of the most pressing questions concerning relationships.

“(Women) would come to me and ask a whole lot of questions because they had misinformation on what men were thinking. They got some of the misinformation about how men feel about relationships or matters of the heart from other women when they have conversations at the beauty parlour or something like that. When I first started the group it started with approximately five women so that they could have a place to vent and ask men questions,” he told Tribune Woman.

Numerous questions are posted to the Facebook page every day and feedback is given by other members of the group. However, some individuals who wish to remain anonymous send private messages to Johnathon. Their questions are either posted to the group or he gives them advice privately.

“Some the most popular questions I get is, ‘Why men or women cheat?’. People would ask, ‘I am doing all this stuff for this person; I am going out of my way to show them that I love and care for them and they tend to cheat’,” he said.

“I think I get those questions a lot because as we all know sweethearting is the norm and was the norm. Back in the day women would not put up a fuss with the man if he was cheating because he was taking care of the family or bringing money into the home. But today I find that women are more educated and they are not accepting the status quo or what was accepted. They are not settling, and so they want to find out the reasons for issues so that they can hopefully fix them. The group also provides men with a platform where they can share their experiences and ask questions,” he said.

Johnathon said in addition to questions regarding infidelity, people also turn to the group for help with domestic abuse and issues surrounding HIV/AIDS.

“I had this woman send me a question about telling someone she slept with that she was HIV positive. She had contracted the disease, but slept with a friend’s boyfriend before knowing she had it. She asked for my advice on how to tell the guy who she slept with she has HIV. There is no question that I get now that I have not heard before. I find that so many people are hurting and they have a lot of issues and they just want a way out,” he said.

Confidentiality is one of the most important things Johnathon demonstrates as the group’s administrator and facilitator. He said people who send him private messages can feel comfortable knowing that he does not share their identities with anyone.

“People trust me with their information. I am the person that they feel comfortable with, knowing that everything is held in the strictest confidence. I have been doing this for a minute and there is nothing people can tell me that I have not heard. I do not judge anyone either,” he said.

“I also get a lot of questions from people in the gay community. I had a question from a gay man who was dating a married man and he wanted to know how he can get the married guy to come back. They have been asking whether or not they should confront the married man’s spouse. They wanted to know the way to approach the situation and course of action they should take,” he said.

Johnathon said in most instances questions of this nature are not posted to the group because members are known for giving “real” responses to any issue.

“I tell you, if you want real responses to any issue send your questions to the group, because members do not beat around the bush. Some people can be very harsh and very blunt. However, while people are blunt, I do not allow name calling or profanity in the group. For a person to be a part of the group they actually have to be 18 years or older,” he said.

“I get almost 150 requests a day. We have to decline a lot of requests because some people create fake accounts and we do not want fake questions. We want real people with real issues to send real questions. The group is a place where people can feel safe and ask questions without being openly ridiculed,” he said.

The online community is growing on a daily a basis, Johnathon said, and with so many people in need of a support system, he is making plans to host meetings at a specific venue for people to unwind, share and be helped by others. His plans to establish a group outside of the online sphere are still in progress.

In the meantime the group continues to host social outings.