The Tribune

By DR IAN BETHELL-BENNETT

THIS weekend, at the Atlantic Medical Fun Run and Walk, there were large numbers of people out supporting the event and getting a little exercise in the process. They all seemed to have a blast. One thing that people lining the route did comment on, however, was the lack of men.

Comments like ‘where the men?’, ‘why only women out here?’ could be heard. Then of course, you start to look around and observe how few men there really were.

Where were the men? Is that why men die younger than women, for the most part? Do men not believe in supporting these kinds of events? Or is it ‘unmasculine’ to be out there walking with the women and children?

Our society has created so many stipulations for men and women that limit what we can do, and then use those stipulations and our adherence to them to judge whether we are good men or women. Being a good man or woman is solely based on our ability to perform the culturally-accepted role of male or female.

So, men are not allowed to do many things, such as feel, raise children and change pampers, for example. This apparently makes them ‘unmasculine’. It is like women, as much as we talk about the Bahamas wishing to become a more equitable society; there are many things that we say women cannot do. Basically we bar them from full participation in society and then say, ‘oh but we accept them as equal citizens’. We tell them that they can raise the children, which is one of the most important jobs in a society. But child rearing is beneath men, it emasculates them. But these are their children! Please explain to me how that works.

We tell fathers that you can go out to work, bring home money but do not cook, clean, or wash. If you start to do those things, then you ain’t a man. We tell women that they must carry the weight of the world single handedly, but if they step outside that, then something is wrong with them. We tell men, it is ‘unmasculine’ to go to the doctor, so what happens? They do not go to the doctor, then they end up so sick that when they finally do go, they are at the point of dying.

Yet, no one sees anything wrong with this. At the same time, we tell boys that being active is important, yet in school teachers refuse to let them be active. In later life, we tell them it is a waste of time to be active and men do not have time to waste.

Where were the men on Saturday morning? Why were they not out there running and walking? Are we so damaged that we do not see the value in spending time together as a family unit?

Yes, the women were there, and the children, even the babies and toddlers in pushchairs, but sweet few men. They were not in church. Our favourite saying the family that prays together, stays together is not functioning. Men may go to church, but they certainly are not taking up their part of the burden of being active citizens. On the other hand, women who do go to church are marginalised by patriarchal dogma that excludes them from full participation in the religious life of the nation.

I am confused. It seems that at every turn, we are ready to say you cannot do that; men cannot behave like … there are more can’ts in the socialisation process than cans. What can we do?

We are told that we can be violent; that violent behaviour is culturally acceptable for men. We can play basketball; that is culturally acceptable, but after a certain magic age we can no longer play basketball, apparently as it is a waste of time. We must act our age. What does that mean for men? We must become unhealthy and die young?

In general, why can women exercise, raise their heart rates and lose weight healthily, but men can only lift weights or play a contact sport but are still seen as time wasters after a certain age? This does not compute.

Why can some men swim and others not be allowed to? Why do we celebrate track, but not swimming? The lack of support for the Carifta athletes who brought home the gold for swimming clearly demonstrates this lack of support. Is it more masculine to run than to swim? Well, if so, why, were there so precious few men running on Saturday morning?

Is it like the fiasco last year with Cable Bahamas? They had the opportunity to use the incident with the young lady who was the face of the company to mount a public education campaign against over exposure and the internet: instead they chose to react negatively. Why is it that we spend so much time more reacting negatively and policing behaviour than promoting positive role models and positive behaviour for men and women?

We are so busy policing the boundaries of what is acceptable for men and women that we create prisons that damage the very society they are supposed to be helping. We make prisons that bar us from being fully human and from really living life.

When men do not participate with their families in sport and fun events, it limits their interaction to events that are not fun. It means that their relationships are limited to discipline and providing. We seem to be going back to the male who says little, but beats a lot and then dies young.

Why is this such a common trend when we know that it is unhealthy for both men and women, and is even more unhealthy for the children?

Those children grow up with very twisted ideas of what men and women can do. In a tropical country where it is so easy to go outside and be healthy and to support civic society at the same time that one interacts pleasurably with family and friends, why are men so under represented at such events?