The Tribune

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Writer

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

IF we were all endowed with the gift of foreknowledge from birth, making the right decisions every time in every circumstance would be a simple process. However, that would make for a very boring life with no surprises and no challenges.

And while we would love to know beforehand how our decisions will impact our lives, there is a beauty in not knowing, in having the possibility to learn from our mistakes and having the joy of changing for the better and becoming more wise as time goes by.

This is also the belief of the women we talked to for this story. These Bahamian women have gathered a wealth of wisdom from their experiences with family, friendships, dating, relationships, careers, money matters and their overall health and wellness.

If some supernatural time tunnel to the past suddenly opened up and Rev Angela Palacious, Andrea Sweeting, Tamalia Hanchell and Michelle Miller had the opportunity to give advice to their teenage selves, here is what they would have to say:

• Rev Angela Palacious

Rev Palacious is the Anglican Hospital Chaplain and in the past has served as the assistant priest at St Mary the Virgin Church and St Margaret’s Church, as a short interim as priest-in-charge at Epiphany Church, and as the diocesan ministry coordinator (Diocese 2000 and Beyond) for ten years. She is married to Archdeacon James Palacious.

Dating and relationships

“Put Christ first and see who fits in with your being a twosome with the Lord. Take things slowly and become good friends, prayer partners, and save being lovers for marriage. Plan your family size to make life comfortable for your children and to be able to assist elderly parents (and/or relatives).

“As a female, keep up relationships with good female friends. No sex before marriage, enjoy being single, developing your own gifts and talents. Travel and celebrate the good things of life.”

Family and friends

“Trust your parents and siblings who love you and give you sound advice, as their reputation is on the line with yours more than your friends. Sometimes friends who share the blood of Christ with you will treat you better than family (especially if you have a very dysfunctional or abusive family). You have to test the loyalty of everyone and see who has your best interests at heart. Love your ‘neighbour’ but learn to love yourself as well, in a healthy, positive way.”

Career and money

“Get an excellent education, loving the experience of learning and growth, more than making money. Have a few marketable skills to be flexible in a poor economy. Love what you do. What energises you is your passion as opposed to what drains you.

“Tithe, save, share and spend; paying bills on time. Try not to owe anyone, and only borrow if absolutely necessary (eg mortgage). Enjoy life as you go along, do not wait until you retire to ‘get a life’.”

• Andrea Sweeting

Andrea Sweeting is the president of the Sister Sister Breast Cancer Support Group. She spends a huge amount of her time helping people, educating and creating awareness of breast cancer.

Dating and relationships

“Make healthy friendships with the opposite sex by getting to know someone for who they are before trying to date them; this is where you get to know and understand the person’s true self,” she said.

She would also tell her teenage self to always be open and honest, and take as much time as is needed before rushing into a relationship with someone.

“Being open and honest with your partner and letting them know how you are feeling helps them understand what’s going on; many people expect their partner to be mind readers.”

“Never fall for the outward appearance (looks or material things), but find someone who has goals and morals, someone who makes you happy, who brings out the best in you, who encourages you to work harder and go further, but most of all, one who believes in God, and wants to grow closer with you and the Lord.

“Never leave the 80 for the 20, be willing to give sometimes we give more than we get,” she said.

She would also tell her teenage self to never settle or become complacent in relationships.

Family and friendships

“I wish I could of advise my teenage self to forgive easily and move on because life is very short. It doesn’t make sense to hold grudges with someone you love,” she said.

Over the years she has also learned to cherish he time with family and friends because those are the things that matter the most.

“I would tell my teenage self to spend as much time with family and friends because as you get older the time seems to get shorter and it’s hard to do the things you used to do. And when you seem to have less time, a simple ‘hello, how are you’ every once in a while will brighten up some ones day.

“Love unconditionally, let people know how much you love and appreciate them. Accept advice – on financial matters, investments, child rearing, and good house cleaning matters (relating to life),” she said.

Health and wellness

“If I could go back in time and advise my teenage self on health and wellness I would say ‘stress and worry less’,” she said. Additionally, taking proactive approaches to health and wellness such as eating healthier, drinking sufficient water, exercising regularly and taking vitamins are just a few thing she would tell her younger self.

• Dr Tamalia Hanchell

As the daughter of Bishop Walter Hanchell and Elder Minalee Hanchell, Dr Hanchell said she was given godly principles to live by from birth. She earned her Master’s and doctorate degrees in clinical psychology from Argosy University Tampa and she is a licenced psychologist in the state of Florida. Dr Hanchell also recently released a book entitled “Serena’s Secrets: Confessions of a Single Lady”.

Dating and relationships

“Enjoy your life as a single young lady. Take time to get to know yourself better before you rush into any relationship. Love God and love yourself before you get involved with someone else, and make sure that the guy you date respects you. You will have both wonderful and painful experiences whiles dating. Both are a part of life. Don’t let society make you believe that something is wrong with you when you are not dating someone. Being in a relationship does not define you. God will send the right man for you when it is the right time. Until then, don’t settle for less than you deserve and always remember your worth. Good things take time and great things take even more time. You will be glad that you waited.”

Family and friends

“Your family and friends are more valuable than you could ever imagine. They are the ones who will cheer you on during your accomplishments and encourage you during your low moments. Always remember to tell them, ‘I love you’. Your parents have set great examples for you. Continue to respect them and make them proud. Choose your friends wisely and be grateful for them.”

Career and money

“Keep God first in your life and never give up on yourself or your dreams. When you shared with someone your dream of becoming a psychologist they scoffed at you and told you reasons why you cannot or should not do it. Don’t let that person’s view stop you and never underestimate your abilities. When people say you can’t do it, push harder and make it happen regardless. You can do it. In fact, you will fulfil your dream of becoming a psychologist. Don’t focus on getting rich. Pursue your God-given purpose and money will follow. You have answers locked inside you that can transform the world, but you have to be willing to unlock them by taking a risk and stepping out of your comfort zone. Your potential is limitless. Do not allow fear to hinder you from trying anything in life. When God blesses you with money in your future, stay humble, help others, and never forget where you came from.”

• See what advice Tribune columnist Michelle Miller has for her teenage self on PAGE 11.