The Tribune

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ zenicazelaya

As a young boy growing up in Nassau, I once saw a fight between police officers and a very intoxicated street corner philosopher whose fondness for foreign poultry earned him the nickname ‘American Chicken’.

American Chicken was not your typical ‘joneser’. Legend had it that, in his youth, he was a brilliant young man who had been off to school in the US and had done well.

On his return to Nassau, he (like many men before him) fell victim to the wiles of a so-called ‘no-good gal’ whose friendly ways with every ‘Joe Blow’ broke American Chicken’s heart.

And that’s when American Chicken picked up the bottle, and never put it down.

On the day in question, American had been on a real drunken bender. After viciously ‘cussing out’ a few people who foolishly strayed into his line of sight, the police were called.

As the four officers approached him, there was some resistance from American Chicken, who retreated to a tactical position near his makeshift fort of old, empty liquor bottles.

I watched in fascination as American Chicken hurled insult after insult followed by a few bottles at the police. None landed close to the officers.

After about 20 minutes of ranting and raving, American Chicken threw his hands in the air, grinned like a Cheshire cat, and peacefully made his way over to the patient officers and the police car. That was the end of the ruckus caused by American Chicken that day. That was the extent of “trouble” back then.

I remember conch shells and beer bottles were staples in “extreme” fights during my teenage years. In big-time bust ups someone might get “bust” in the head. Someone might get a “camole”. Someone might definitely get a “good cut hip”.

But even in the heat of the moment there was restraint. There were very few stabbings and killings were rare. Knives were a no-no. Guns were unthinkable.

I’m under no illusion that crime is not skyrocketing in this country. But I am dismayed that it will apparently take grenade launchers and tear gas to bring it back down.

National Security Minister Dr Bernard Nottage said the public is forgetting that his ministry also accepted musical instruments in that lovely care package from the Chinese government. But who on earth orders 105 trumpets with a side of 10,000 grenades?

Many Bahamians are questioning the need for riot gear, especially when few of us can remember the last real riot in this country.

No, Dr Nottage, we have not forgotten. We remember Kent State and Tiananmen Square. And all the other times governments have turned on their own citizens.

So in the name of transparency please enlighten us: who, why and what ‘yinna’ order dem tanks for?

My hunch is that those Chinese ‘gifts’ were to protect other ‘gifts’ that all Bahamians are and should be entitled to, but China may have her eye on. Like our oil, aragonite and salt for example.

It’s always the same song and dance with Minister Nottage. I strongly suggest Dr Nottage grab one of the tubas mixed in with the tanks and grenades that were also ‘made in China’ and blow - at least that way some good will come of all the hot air he produces.

Until next week, let me get back to practising “gas mask on, gas mask off”.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net