The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

In more ways than you can imagine almost everyone is held hostage by their fears. Whether it is the fear of rejection, humiliation, or the infamous fear of failure. Fear is our most primal emotion. Left unaddressed it becomes the traffic signal of our lives; directing the degree to which we really go green, live cautiously or literally stop living and just settle in the safe parking lot of mediocrity.

Despite all of this, we are not born fearful beings. We are truly born fearless. However, we cannot access our fearlessness without first facing our fears. The going mantra for success is 'feel the fear but do it anyway'.

Fear being our most primal emotion means that we are more emotionally afraid than we are physically or mentally incapable. As a result, people do not do that one big thing that they are literally born to do, not because they cannot do it, but more because they are too afraid of failing at it. The irony here is that without failure there would be no success. The very fact that failure exists tells us that the success is on the other side of the coin. One cannot exist without the other.

The big elephant in the room is the following question: what are you so afraid of failing at that you are not even willing to try?

The thing that you must understand about failure is that it is not an ending but rather a beginning. Everything that ever becomes successful began in the laboratory of failure. Before we talk about some of popular success stories of how people we know conquered fear, let's look at babies. Remember, we are all born small and fragile. Initially, unable to walk, talk. One small failure after another and we learn to walk, talk, grow. Despite our smallness, we keep trying without regard until we master basic human functions.

Consider that Henry Ford and Walt Disney began their success in the laboratory of failure. Henry Ford had only a sixth grade education. While Walt Disney's dream to build the Disney World theme park was initially turned down by numerous financial institutions.

Today, we may celebrate the success of the Ford and Disney brands. However, it was not an overnight process. This quality of success results from a willingness to look fear square in the eye and choose to do it anyway. What great thin, idea, opportunity is waiting for you on the other side of fear? Fear is like a massive brick wall that keeps many a prisoner. Brick walls, however, exists for one reason; they indicate how badly you really want that thing; how badly you want to succeed. When you want badly enough, you activate that motivating power within you to pick up a sledgehammer and knock that wall out of your way.

If you think the fear of failure produces some strong emotions, you should try on the emotions of success. They are much more freeing, influential and empowering.

This reminds me of the time I felt impelled to leave my job in the public service and go into banking. Everything that I knew told me that I wasn't good enough to work in the bank and I would fail miserably. The fear of failing literally kept me stuck on the shores of uncertainty, even too afraid to submit my resume.

Then something hit me like Mack truck- what if it was all untrue; what if I was actually good enough to get the job? Then by not sending out my resume I wasn't only cementing my fear of failure. but more importantly, I was hindering my chance at success. In that deciding moment I opted to feel the fear but do it anyway. In the end, I successfully got the job.

By knocking down that first brick wall of fear I got a taste of personal success. This gave me the courage to knock down wall after wall as I moved through my banking career and transitioned into coaching/counselling.

The bottom line is this: the only real failure in life is the failure to consistently face your fears and win your success. As the great writer William Shakespeare put it, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."

Indeed, Shakespeare offers some valuable insight in regards to how fear limits our unleashing of great ideas.

Leader to leader, don't let the fear of failure hold you a prisoner. Find your fearlessness and knock down that brick wall. By facing your fears, you liberate yourself to lead a life that is fulfilling and fearless. These are the qualities for living an empowered life. Yes, you definitely can do it.

What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770.

• Michelle M Miller is a certified life coach, communication and leadership expert. Visit www.talktomichellemiller.com or call 1-888-620-7894; mail can be sent to PO Box CB-13060.