The Tribune

By SERGEANT NATHALIE RANGER

Abuse occurs when one person in a relationship attempts to dominate and control the other person. Usually, the control begins with psychological or emotional abuse, then escalates to physical abuse.

Exposure to abuse as a child, leads people to become abusive later on in life.

When children are abused or witness the abuse of a parent it externalizes and internalizes long term behaviours.

There are undoubtedly long-term, serious effects of experiencing or witnessing abuse as a child. Studies show children who are exposed to violence can be more likely to repeat the cycle they learned and grow up to become either victims or abusers themselves.

This is true even for kids who are not themselves the targets of abuse. Children who witness acts of violence against a parent or someone else in the home can be affected in the same way as children who are physically and sexually abused. Children living in a violent environment may come to believe this behaviour is acceptable.

It is crucial we are able to intervene with kids at a young age, offering them the opportunity to learn about healthy relationships, conflict resolution, self-esteem and boundaries.

But at the same time, it is important to note the relationship between childhood exposure to violence and abuse later in life is not a given. While many adult abusers and survivors of violence did grow up with violence in the home, not all children with violence in the home experience violence again later in life, not all abusers were abused or exposed to violence as children.

While learning these behaviours from a parent or other adults can be a powerful way that violence, power, and control become normalized, it is not the only way that abusers learn these behaviours. A desire for power and control can stem from other circumstances.

What are the feelings of kids who are exposed to abuse?

Children who are exposed to abuse become fearful and anxious. They are always on guard waiting on the next event to occur. They never know what will trigger the abuse, and therefore, they never feel safe. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. They may even blame themselves for the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment and humiliation.

Signs of Abuse

Out of fear or shame, many victims of abuse will try to hide it or deny it, and in the process of trying to cover it up, they exhibit signs that abuse is taking place.

However, if someone is being abused, they are likely to display some of these signs:

Physical Signs of Abuse

If someone is being physically abused they will likely have frequent bruises or physical injuries for which they have a weak or inconsistent explanation. Some common injuries include black eyes, busted lips, red or purple marks on the neck and sprained wrists.

They may exhibit injuries consistent with being punched, choked or knocked down. Bruises on the arms might indicate defensive wounds from the victim trying to protect themselves. The victim may offer excuses for the injuries like falling or being accident-prone, but often the seriousness of the injury will seem more severe than the cause the explanation provides.

If victims have such injuries, they will often try to cover them up with make-up or clothing. You may notice they are wearing clothing that is not appropriate for the weather, such as wearing long sleeves or scarves in the summer. Wearing heavier than normal make-up or wearing sunglasses inside are also common signs of abuse. Complaining of a lack of sleep or, likewise, complaining of sleeping too much can be a sign of physical abuse.

Withdrawn or Unusually Quiet

If you notice that someone who was once outgoing and cheerful has gradually become quiet and withdrawn it could be a sign of abuse. A person who was once chatty and gregarious who is suddenly quiet, reserved and distant, could be an abuse victim. You may notice the victim drop out of activities they would usually enjoy, they cancel appointments or meetings with you at the last minute, and they may often be late to work or other appointments.

Victims of abuse might exhibit excessive privacy concerning their personal life or the person with whom they are in a relationship. They may begin cutting off contacts with friends and even family members and begin isolating themselves from those whose company they once enjoyed.

Signs of Fear

People who are being abused may seem anxious or nervous when they are away from the abuser or they may seem overly anxious to please their partner. If they have children, the children may seem timid, frightened, or extremely well-behaved when the partner is around.

Although victims may not talk about the actual abuse, they might refer to the abuser as “moody” or having a bad temper. They may reveal the partner is particularly bad-tempered when drinking alcohol.

Sometimes, the fear a victim of abuse experiences is so intense they feel paralyzed to make decisions or to even protect themselves or their children. When the fear gets to that point, they will even turn down help offered to them by friends, family, or even professional protective services.

Emotional Signs of Abuse

Abuse can take an emotional toll on victims to the extent they will exhibit a sense of helplessness, hopelessness or despair. They come to believe they will never escape the control of the abuser. They may also exhibit a constant state of alertness to the point they never can completely relax. This may also affect their sleep.

Other emotional signs of abuse can include:

Low self-esteem

Extremely apologetic or meek

Agitation, anxiety, or constant apprehension

Developing a drug or alcohol problem

Symptoms of depression

Loss of interest in daily activities

Talking about or attempting suicide

These symptoms, of course, could be due to many other conditions or factors, but they are typical traits of victims who feel they are trapped in the abusive relationship.

If you are being abused or suspect someone you know is experiencing abuse, Call 911 or 911 or Call the Crisis Centre at 328-0922.