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I'M Just Looking For My Mom

NICOLE LIGHTBOURNE, left, and, right, one of the few pictures of her as a child.

NICOLE LIGHTBOURNE, left, and, right, one of the few pictures of her as a child.

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Writer

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

ALL NICOLE Lightbourne knows about her biological mother is her name “Laurie Brennen”, she gave birth to her in 1984 at the Princess Margaret Hospital and put her up for adoption three years later.

After about 30 years without her birth mother, Nicole lives with a void that she believes will only ever be filled until she finds her.

Adoption is a topic not often talked about in the Bahamas. Yet there are hundreds of children in the country who have either been left orphaned after the deaths of their parents or were given up by their biological parents.

Those given up for adoption by their parents end up like Nicole on a quest to find them – a reunion that unfortunately never happens for some.

Yet Nicole believes she has to at least make an attempt. So, sharing her story made perfect sense as she believes there could be chance her biological mother or extended family learns of her plea and contact her with information.

“I was born on January 15, 1984, to a woman named Laurie Brennen in Princess Margaret Hospital in Nassau Bahamas. She named me Edwina Brennen. From birth to the age six, I live in Nassau Bahamas with my adopted parents. In 1991 we moved to the states where I began school and a new life there,” she told Tribune Woman.

Nicole was adopted in April of 1987 in Nassau. To this day, she has no clue why she was given away.

“I do not have any idea why I was put up for adoption and still in the blind to this day. Growing up knowing I adopted was ridiculously hard even though I my parents gave me the best life that I could wish for.”

Nicole’s adopted parents did the best they could to ensure she was loved, adequately taken and never wanted for anything, yet Nicole lived feeling rejected.

“My parents made sure that I was never neglected and showed me love. It was not enough for me though, something was missing,” she said.

Rejection is a common emotion many adoptees feel. Like Nicole some cannot come to grips with why they had been given away by their parents.

“I always have questions in my mind why me and what I do to deserve getting thrown away. I always felt like the black sheep.

“I never saw baby pictures of me in early stages of life. I was lost even though I did not show it. I have mixed emotions not knowing my birth mother and family. I suffered from anger problems. I blamed my adopted mother for everything all she did was love me. I was so mess up inside,” she told Tribune Woman.

The effects of being uprooted from one who home and planted haphazardly in another became even more clear when Nicole became a mother.

She was affected majorly and admitted to being scared and not knowing how to properly love them.

“I made many mistakes regarding my children what can I say history repeating itself?”

Nicole said she believes reuniting with her mother will help her make sense of life now, lay to rest some of the pain she experiences daily and settle various questions she has about her life.

“All my life I dreamed about Laurie Brennen...all the time she was in my dreams.

“I always wonder what she looked like. I am not mad at her. I just want to know her and say thank you for giving a second chance in life. I love you no matter what the past was. I pray that you feel the same,” she said.

And if she is able to reunite with her mother, she said has these words for her:

“We are not perfect. One thing that I can say you are a strong woman. You went through a lot I am guessing. Giving birth to a child a not knowing where they are is extremely hard a mother.

“I am hoping and praying that you will give us a second chance in relationships with a bond that can be rekindled. I love you and do not have any hatred in my heart for you. I come to with an open mind and heart. I just want to know the truth about me. Do you want a relationship with me and my family? Many nights I cried myself to sleep about you. I search for you because I need closure.”

To contact Nicole Lightbourne 786-250-8214 or email lightbourne99@gmail.com.

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