By INIGO ‘NAUGHTY’ ZENICAZELAYA
Oh, what a difference a month makes. Now that we are shifting away from the last general elections, it’s become clearer what direction the Davis administration is going in. And I have to say; it seems awfully familiar.
Though we all know how it is around election time, when ‘mouth can say anything,’ I’m still a little bit surprised at how fast Davis and Co. have adopted some of the same policies the Progressive Liberal Party (PLP) lambasted while in opposition.
PLP before elections: Minnis gotta go! Min-nis got-ta go! Ring da bell! Ring it right now! Cause Min-nis got-ta go! Min-nis gotta go!
PLP after elections: OMG! Why did Minnis call elections in the middle of a pandemic?! Never mind our campaigning and ‘drive-thru’ rallies. Or even our ambiguous stance on the unvaccinated campaigning, it’s his fault! It was a super spreader event! Blame Minnis!
PLP before elections: Don’t you dare tell us what to do! Vaccines are a “personal choice”! You’re “oppressive”! We’re gonna do free testing. Stop focusing on vaccines!!
PLP after elections: Minnis didn’t do enough to secure vaccines! OMG! What’s that, you say? Oh, never mind the almost four hundred thousand vaccines Minnis secured from Uncle Joe and the United States! We forgot to order more! So we need vaccines! Vaccines! What are we to do???
PLP before elections: Minnis dem want to make a Prospect Ridge subdivision for all their cronies! What is a ‘young professional’ anyway? Elitist! Ageist! Discriminatory! It’s for their rich friends, I tell ya! It’s horrible!!!
PLP after elections: OMG! Why wasn’t the Prospect Ridge development more thought out? They got their pictures from Google!! Google!! But, ya know, it’s really a great idea! The PLP will definitely finish this project. But it’s gonna cost ya more. So it’s probably best PLP family, friends, and lovers need only apply! Siri, show me pictures of really expensive homes!
PLP before elections: Office of the Spouse? What’s the point, really? I do charity work all the time, and I see no need for this. My reach is far-reaching. As in, reaching far! There’s no need for this ‘office’! None whatsoever! What a disgrace!
PLP after elections: Well, what had happened was, the ‘technocrats’ have forced my hand. I actually think the ‘Office of the Spouse’ is a great idea! There are so many good works we can do! And we will do it! OMG! I’m gonna be the next Michelle Obama!!
PLP before elections: This travel visa is a scam! A scam, I tell ya! When we come to office, we will do away with this scam! It’s unnecessary! Unneeded! Call the Auditor General right now! And the Attorney General too! This travel visa scam will not do!
PLP after elections: My, my, my, this travel visa is actually an excellent idea! We’re getting so much free information! Free! Information! We are definitely keeping this, because, it’s free information! It’s like free gold!!
PLP before elections: What is Minnis doing? This policy is about dictatorship! A police state, I tell ya! The police are everywhere! No, no, no! There are too many restrictions! This will not do!
PLP after elections: What’s that? Covid clusters, you say? Well, we will make sure the police are enforcing the law! These people are out of control! Quarantine, quarantine! Police! Police!
PLP before elections: This food programme is too costly! Cronyism, I say! Who is getting all this food? And all this money?
PLP after elections: OMG! There are over 4,000 Bahamians still asking us to feed them. What are we to do? There are so many hungry Bahamians, and we’re gonna ‘need that lil ting’ to feed these people. And, um, yeah. We’re gonna need some time to wrap our heads around this.
PLP before elections: What’s up with this ‘Fisheries Bill’? We can do better. In fact, the PLP will have the bill “tweaked in the public’s interest” if we become the government after the general elections.
PLP after elections: We love farming! And fishing! Oh, baby, we’re bringing sexy back! These other fellas don’t know how to act! So don’t watch nuttin’!!!
PLP before elections: A PLP government will be about transformation, new faces, new ideas!
PLP after elections: Quick, sneak ‘Jeromie the Homie’ in through the back door, while no one’s looking!
And that, folks, is why many Bahamians feel the more things change, the more they stay the same. But, hey, it’s a ‘new day’!