The Tribune

Week 5 results

and season stats

Renaldo: 11-4 (45-30, .600)

Sannie: 10-5 (38-37, .507)

WEEK FIVE REWARDS

The “No Country For Old Men ... Except This One. Old Men Rule This One With An Iron Fist” Award presented by George Blanda - Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. Tom Terrific beat back notions that the Pats era is done with his 292 yards and two touchdowns in a 43-17 blowout over AFC contenders Cincinnati, while Manning threw for 479 yards and four touchdowns, including the 500th of his career. The “Owning It Now Won’t Do You Much Good. You’ve Been Terrible For A Long Time and We All Know It” Award presented by Bahamas Baseball Association Executives -  Rex Ryan. Rex was pretty upfront about the fact that the Jets’ blowout loss rested on his shoulders and his lack of preparation. We know Rex, we’ve all been watching football for a while. The “This Is My City Now ... Well Not Really But Let Me Borrow It For A While” Award presented by Billy Donovan’s Florida Gator teams during the Tebow era - Brian Hoyer and the Cleveland Browns. After the epic comeback against the Titans Hoyer pretty much has the key to the city. He’ll have it until the NBA season officially tips off and LeBron takes the key by force and tucks it away in his enormous headband, never to be seen again.

Indianapolis Colts at Houston Texans

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: this Thursday night game has a chance to be really, really bad. Early season Thursday night football is turning out to be the worst idea on cable television since “Meet The Browns”.

The Texans had more than 40 per cent of their roster listed on Monday’s injury report and that didn’t even include Ryan Fitzpatrick’s barber. Both teams are 3-2, its a division rivalry so this is probably our best shot at having a respectable show, like that one redeeming episode of “Meet The Browns.” Yea….that never happened either.

The Colts have won nine straight division games, three straight against the Texans and I have a hard time believing one of the league’s worst passing defences can slow down Andrew Luck in primetime.

COLTS over Texans

SANNIE: Floyd Mayweather, Jr. earned $1.8m betting on the Colts, that’s good enough for me.

COLTS over Texans

New England

Patriots at

Buffalo Bills

I never thought I would take Kyle Orton in a head-to-head head matchup against Tom Brady with the division on the line. Then again I never thought I’d see CI Gibson’s very own KJ out-coach future Hall of Famer Roy Williams in the Kendal Isaacs Gym - so anything’s possible.

The Pats silenced critics for a weekend but at this point should have no idea of a game plan for Orton. He’s the fourth Bills quarterback they’ve faced in as many appearances. The Bills pass rush is a game changing element - #8 overall, #2 against the run, #1 with 17 sacks.

BILLS over Pats

SANNIE: New England Patriots did a very touching tribute to Cincinnati Bengals player Devon Still’s four-year-old daughter who is battling cancer. Very classy of them.

PATS over Bills

Baltimore Ravens at Tampa Bay

Buccaneers

Bobby Rainey had the perfect opportunity to steal the spotlight from Steve Smith, and write his own “Blood and Guts” revenge game script going up against his former team, but he totally shied away from the moment.

Rainey was released by the Ravens last year but rather than take shots at management and build some Mayweather-like anticipation for this game, he decides to take the high road. Bad move.

RAVENS over Bucs

SANNIE: This one is for my friend Kevin. I am choosing the Buccs. You guys better not let me down, I have a bet to win.

BUCS over Ravens

Pittsburgh

Steelers at

Cleveland Browns

We have to prepare ourselves for the distinct possibility than Brian Hoyer may actually be good. He’s not just managing games people, he’s making plays. He has a QBR of 75 in the fourth quarter and has two fourth quarter comebacks already this season.

It’s ok to let the Johnny Manziel obsession die American media, nothing to see here … not even a gimmick play.

BROWNS over Steelers

SANNIE: I dedicate this pick to Brett Keisel’s beard and his obvious relationship with SAMCRO. (Yes, I am a bit obsessed with Sons of Anarchy right now.)

STEELERS over Browns

Carolina

Panthers at

Cincinnati Bengals

The Panthers are in the running for the most confusing team in the league award. At times they look like contenders - with three wins against NFC teams - and at times they look like pretenders, losing by a combined 75-29 to AFC North teams. Guess where Cincinnati is?

This is the toughest five-game stretch in the NFL, and for the Panthers it could be a horrible start to that stretch. Following the Bengals they face the Packers, Seahawks, Saints and Eagles.

(Disclaimer: As I was writing this last night I heard AJ Green left the Bengals practice field on a stretcher because of an undisclosed injury. My logic went out on the stretcher with him.)

PANTHERS over Bengals

SANNIE: Devon Still’s love for his daughter, Leah, and her fight to beat cancer is a touching, heart wrenching story of hope. I salute him for being an awesome father.

BENGALS over Panthers

Denver Broncos at New York Jets

If Peyton Manning had a heart, he may have felt guilty about running up the score on the Jets.

The Jets offence has looked completely hopeless and Geno Smith has been so inefficient that he can’t even connect with a team meeting, much less his receivers. There’s a good chance the Broncos will put up a basketball score.

BRONCOS over Jets

SANNIE: I may not know much about football but I know the Jets suck.

BRONCOS over Jets

Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings

Calvin Johnson is among several Lions who will be sidelined this week but, to be perfectly honest, Megatron hasn’t made a real appearance since his three-touchdown performance in week one.

Teddy Bridgewater is slowly climbing up to the top spot on my irrational confidence power rankings.

Imagine if he had an All-Pro running back behind him in the backfield.

VIKINGS over Lions

SANNIE: Adrian Peterson appeared in a Texas court yesterday to face charges that he abused his four-year-old son. He needs all the help he can get. So this time I will pick the Vikings since they technically haven’t dropped him yet.

VIKINGS over Lions

Green Bay Packers at Miami Dolphins

Aaron Rodgers has thrown 12 touchdowns this season and one interception. Those kinds of video game numbers are just not fair. I know people that can’t do that playing Madden ‘15 on the rookie level. He’s too relaxed and I’m afraid. We should all be very afraid.

PACKERS over Dolphins

SANNIE: Even Renaldo isn’t choosing his team anymore, that says a lot.

PACKERS over Dolphins

Jacksonville

Jaguars at

Tennessee Titans

I know that we’re not supposed to let last week’s performance carry over into this week, but there’s just no way I can have faith in the Titans any more after that historic collapse. Also, there’s a part of me that wants Blake Bortles to get his first win just so my boy John troll anyone that don’t think Bortles is already the greatest quarterback of all time.

JAGS over Titans

SANNIE: The Ebola joke by the Jaguars mascot was def not funny and in poor taste.

TITANS over Jaguars

San Diego Chargers at Oakland

Raiders

The NFL schedule makers aren’t even going to make this difficult for Phillip Rivers. A week after manhandling the Jets 31-0, he gets the Raiders. That’s like having two consecutive bye weeks with light practices in between.

CHARGERS over

Raiders

SANNIE: I am tempted to choose the Raiders because I feel bad for my boss (Eddie) but no, You guys are terrible!

CHARGERS over

Raiders

Chicago Bears at Atlanta Falcons

It’s the “We’re Nowhere Near As Good In Real Life As We Are In Madden” Bowl, brought to you by all video game likenesses of Michael Vick in 2004. Both teams have prototypical gunslinging quarterbacks, a pair of All-Pro wide receivers, big versatile running backs and defences that won’t allow them to be great.

Basically all they did was swap Devin Hester, and therein lies the edge. That and the Bears secondary has more holes in it than Josh Shaw’s rescue story.

FALCONS over Bears

SANNIE: “Don’t be Tardy” has been picked up for another season on Bravo. YAY! So maybe after Kroy Bierrmann is done with this whole football thing he can have a real career in reality TV.

FALCONS over Bears

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks

It’s amazing what  a GQ photo-shoot, divorce, Super Bowl win, All-Pro running back, iconic defence and new haircut can do for you. What a career Russell Wilson … what a career.

SEAHAWKS over Cowboys

SANNIE: Ebola is still in Dallas. The end.

SEAHAWKS over

Cowboys

Washington No Nicknames at

Arizona Cardinals

For all the hoopla about Kirk Cousins taking the job away from RG3, he’s now 1-6 as a starter, his QBR has dipped under 40 and Washington has barely been competitive.

That being said, as bad as Cousins has been recently, it’s better than the quarterback situation in Arizona right now. Palmer’s still hurt, Stanton had concussion so that just leaves rookie Logan Thomas. When your team brings in Dennis Dixon as a stop-gap solution … “you’re gonna have a bad time.”

WASHINGTON over Cards

SANNIE: Google Larry Fitzgerald and then click images. Why does he have that super big smile in all his pics?What is he so happy about?

CARDINALS over Washington

New York Giants

at Philadelphia Eagles

When Eli Manning plays as well as he is playing right now, he pretty much transforms into his talented older brother. I know what that’s like because when I take the right supplements before the gym I pretty much turn into my brother Dakarai.

After playing red hot in his past three games and completing over 70 per cent of his passes, Eli detractors will say he’s due for one of his four-interception games, but this is no longer Eli. This is Peyton-Lite now.

Are the Eagles the most unimpressive 4-1 team in NFL history? It’s possible as long as they keep trotting out the corpse of LaSean McCoy. I miss watching the real one play.

GIANTS over Eagles

SANNIE: So apparently LeSean McCoy is now dating Tahiry, even though he was just linked to Porsha Williams. I love Tahiry too so I must say he has some good taste in women.

EAGLES over Giants

San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams

I was looking at this all wrong. It wasn’t Colin Kaepernick that was going to take the 49ers to the next level this season, it was Frank Gore’s fear of being replaced by Carlos Hyde. We’re six weeks in and the 49ers are creeping their way back into better health and a less-insane Aldon Smith (we hope) as soon as his suspension is lifted.

NINERS over Rams

SANNIE: Colin Kaepernick is a tattooed god. I’m sorry, but his new tattoo is so sexy.

NINERS over Rams