The Tribune

By RENALDO DORSETT

Sports Reporter

rdorsett@tribunemedia.net

If Jalen Rose taught me anything, it’s to surround myself with talented peers at every stage of life and, more importantly, to “give the people what they want.”

Again, the column will throw a twist into the traditional picks column because what the people want is to hear from Sannie. She knows absolutely nothing about football but somehow manages to get these games right.

Let’s face it, there are about 5-6 teams in the power circle that have a pretty good shot at winning Super Bowl XLIX, and about 3-4 teams on the tier just below with the legit opportunity to overachieve and hoist the Lombardi trophy.

In short, I have no idea what’s going to happen.

We’ll all prognosticate, but there’s a 50-50 shot at getting this right from week to week.

It’s such a tossup, even someone who spends 20 hours a week watching VH1’s fine reality TV can do it (If I get away with saying that without getting dumped, we’ll be back for week two).

As soon as we figure out sponsors, a reasonable wager, we’ll fill in the public on what the winner of this whole thing will walk away with at the end of the year.

WEEK 1

Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks

I can’t explain how excited I am about the re-birth of the “Fail Mary” conversation. It’s one of the few decisions in sports that looks worse and worse the more you re-visit it. It’s right up there with the decision against Roy Jones Jr at the ‘88 Olympics, the Soviet basketball team getting extra time at the ‘72 Olympics and Maradona’s “Hand of God” goal.

The only sad part about it is this game won’t feature any of the important players from a few years ago. Not Golden Tate who was credited with the catch, not MD Jennings who actually made the catch and not the replacement refs. This year’s Seahawks will feature the new and improved Russell Wilson. Groomed for GQ covers and free from the shackles of being a 25-year-old Super Bowl winning quarterback with bi-racial crossover appeal. So if you’re tallying, the Seahawks can beat the Broncos’ offence, PED testing and young love. I’m not going against a force that powerful.

SEAHAWKS over Packers

SANNIE: Russell Wilson is going through a nasty divorce amid rumours that his wife cheated on him with his team-mate. I just wanna hold him and console him. Poor baby!

SEAHAWKS over Packers

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons

The myth of the “Hard Knocks Curse” has already been debunked to some degree but I feel like this year, the Falcons blow that theory out of the water. This is the first Hard Knocks team used to be a good team, wildly underachieving in one season and setting us all up for the overwhelming return to mild respectability this year. They have all the tools to be one of the most fun teams to watch, prototype quarterback that identifies well with black guys (Matty Ice), pro-bowl calibre receivers, and in case that doesn’t work, Devin Hester to return kicks. Unfortunately Steven Jackson is still the starting running back and I just don’t know if that still works in 2014. 

I’m only watching Saints games this year to watch Jimmy Graham troll Roger Goodell with slam dunk celebrations.

FALCONS over Saints

SANNIE: This season of ‘Love and Hip Hop Atlanta’ was the most explosive yet. I loved every episode, especially the finale. So this one goes to the Falcons because I love me some ratchet and I love Atlanta for providing me with it.

FALCONS over Saints

Minnesota Vikings at St Louis Rams

Thank God the most talked about player in this game will be Adrian Peterson and not a seventh round rookie draft pick. For AP’s sake, I hope Teddy Bridgewater (ignoring you Matt Cassel, you’re not welcome here) develops into a marquee quarterback. It would be like seeing a friend finally escape an abusive relationship and start dating Kate Upton. I used to think the Rams caught a tough break when Sam Bradford got hurt, unless he’s not really that good. Then it’s okay. This team was built to play defence and run the ball, so if Shaun Hill can manage the game, if the defence can keep them in it, if Zack Stacey continues to improve and Tre Mason can develop into a viable option, maybe the Rams will be alright. And maybe we’re just years away from someone overpaying for Shaun Hill because of it.

VIKINGS over Rams

SANNIE: They gave an openly gay player, Michael Sam, the opportunity to make NFL history. Even though they cut him, they still at least gave him a chance. That’s so sweet of them.

RAMS over Vikings

Cleveland Browns at Pittsburgh Steelers

I’ve watched every Browns preseason game and I still can’t tell whether Johnny Manziel is actually trying to take the starting job or if he plans to spend his rookie contraction in Cleveland the way Alex Moran spent his first two years at Blue Mountain State. (I will make tons of Blue Mountain State references this year so you may have to watch that just to catch up). As good as the Browns’ defence will be this year, if this game is close, Big Ben is three times the quarterback that both of the Browns guys are combined. So I trust him to get this done.

STEELERS over Browns

SANNIE: Troy Polamalu has the hair I wish I had. I am jealous and love him at the same time. You can’t go wrong with hair like that.

STEELERS over Browns

Jacksonville Jaguars at Philadelphia Eagles

Nick Foles unofficially led the league in dropped interceptions last year. Add that to the fact that he had some shaky performances in the preseason and lost his best weapon at receiver because he was “kind of sort of not really” a gang banger - and we could see an Eagles regression. There’s no way they fall as far as the Jags are. As much as I think Blake Bortles is going to be a stud, his best receiver will be suspended indefinitely and his running back is Toby Gerhart. That was by choice. No kidding, they really went out and signed Toby Gerhart to be the replacement for Maurice Jones-Drew.

EAGLES over Jags

SANNIE: The Eagles cut DeSean Jackson (who is pretty cute by the way) because they thought he was in a gang without any real proof. Something seems a bit off about that.

JAGS over Eagles

Oakland Raiders at New York Jets

Two years ago it would have been a huge surprise to see a rookie quarterback supplant Matt Schaub as a starting quarterback. Now I’m surprised it took the Raiders staff more than two weeks to name Derek Carr the starter over Schaub. I don’t think I’ve ever watched a pro athlete’s career die on live television on a single play, but that interception Schaub threw to Richard Sherman to give away an otherwise certain win last year in week four, that was it.

The least talked about but best story of the NFL offseason was Geno Smith saying he expected to be a top five quarterback. If you ever doubted the authenticity of his Bahamian roots before, that should solidify it right there.

RAIDERS over Jets

SANNIE: My boss Eddie is a HUGE Raiders fan. So because I have to have something to argue with him about on the show, I will NEVER choose the Raiders.

JETS over Raiders

Cincinnati Bengals at Baltimore Ravens

It’s the 2014 Horrible “Contract Bowl” presented by Isaiah Thomas 2003-2008 tenure with the New York Knicks. The outrage over Andy Dalton’s contract this offseason was the only thing to deflect some attention from the horrible Flacco contract that’s currently crippling the Ravens. 

BENGALS over Ravens

SANNIE: Well, I am a Ravens fan for flag football (for obvious reasons) so why not just keep it going! 

RAVENS over Bengals

Buffalo Bills at Chicago Bears

I’ve always been a huge Jay Cutler fan. A large portion of this faith comes from the fact that I tend to pick Cutler-led teams in Madden (don’t knock it until you try it, I won a lot of games with those Broncos and these Bears). We know about the high powered offence - Cutler, Forte, Marshall, Jeffrey - but what about the Bears defence? For the first time in pro sports history I saw a team invest heavily in their direct team need when Chicago blew their free agency wad on Jared Allen, Lamarr Houston, Willie Young and drafting Kyle Fuller. I’m not going to seriously acknowledge Buffalo until they quit screwing around and move to Toronto. We need more sporting venues for Drake to troll people.

BEARS over Bills

SANNIE: So I just recently started watching a show called Chicagolicious that I love!! So Chicago Bears it is!

BEARS over Bills

Washington at Houston Texans

It absolutely blew my mind that Baylor erected a statue of RG3 just two years removed from the last time he suited up for the university. He has to be the first person to have a statue of himself erected before he’s able to drive a rental car without a hassle and at a reasonable price. He’s definitely the first player to get a statue after seeing their QBR plummet over 30 points in a  single year. I figured to get a statue at that age you would have to do something groundbreaking - like the first guy that convinced a girl to study in his dorm room rather than the library. Arian Foster lost me when he entered on this whole vegan path, but I have to admit, he’s winning me over with how much he trolls the media and the NCAA. I’m picking the team from Washington, but I’m so pissed to be supporting anything that would make Daniel Snyder happy.

WASHINGTON over Texans

SANNIE: King Bey (Beyonce) was born in Houston. Nothing else needs to be said.

TEXANS over Washington

Tennessee Titans at Kansas City Chiefs

I’m officially burnt out on just hearing the name “Bishop Sankey” and he hasn’t played a single down in the NFL yet. This is what fantasy football research does. It’s unfair, but I need Jamaal Charles to end this.

CHIEFS over Titans

SANNIE: Love Greek mythology and I know the Titans are a race of powerful deities. That sounds pretty strong. I mean, how could they lose?

TITANS over Chiefs

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins

We’ve seen chinks in the armour, but is this the year the Pats finally crack? Can we trick Knowshon Moreno into somehow believing he’s still back in Georgia? Can the Dolphins finally find a linebacker or safety to slow down Gronk, just a little? Three times, No.

PATS over Dolphins

SANNIE: Renaldo is a HUGE Dolphin fan. I obviously don’t do love and support well. This should make watching the game interesting. 

PATS over Dolphins

Carolina Panthers at Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Two teams going in opposite directions. Cam Newton missed a lot of time this offseason and is still banged heading into week one. Not having your franchise player going through reps after you lose your top receiver in free agency and desperation calls for the front office to sign Stephen Hill to the practice squad is not a good sign.

BUCS over Panthers

SANNIE: Cam Newton had THE MOST gorgeous smile. Hey boo! 

PANTHERS over Bucs

San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys

Is Jerry Jones just a character from a Broken Lizard movie at this point? Party pics, the much talked about AP conversation and the reason for the lack of punishment by the NFL (he was too drunk for it to be about football. That’s a real thing) and the attention grabbing Michael Sam signing. I feel like the Cowboys are actually becoming North Dallas Forty...without the winning. Which makes it even more shocking that they didn’t roll the dice on Johnny Manziel when you realise Romo is 34, coming off back surgery and has one playoff game in eight years.

You can expect the Niners’ defence to regress toward the mean without Navarro Bowman, Aldon Smith and Ray McDonald in the lineup but even a slightly above average San Fran defence is better than most in the league. I fully expect this to be the year that Colin Kaepernick ends all the questions about his legitimacy. This is an offseason where he shrugged off sexual assault allegations like a 5’8” defensive back who doesn’t wrap up properly…wait…anyway, Kaepernick is officially joining the top quarterback conversation and if you follow him on Instagram you would know by now that he doesn’t get tired. Huge advantage.

NINERS over Cowboys

SANNIE: The 49ers’ defenive end Ray Mcdonald allegedly beat his fiancée, who was 10 weeks pregnant and was only.. I can’t support a woman beater. No thank you.

COWBOYS over Niners

Indianapolis Colts at Denver Broncos

Will the Luck/Manning storyline ever die? Probably not, nor should Peyton ever let it. I take solace in the fact that this year we won’t have to hear Jim Irsay’s boneheaded attempt at an analogy regarding Peyton and his “Star Wars” numbers.

BRONCOS over Colts

SANNIE: I do not know much, and by much I mean anything, about football but when I hear people talk about it Peyton Manning is almost always mentioned. Guess that means he is good. So, I will ride with him on this one.

BRONCOS over Colts

New York Giants at Detroit Lions 

There’s no greater vote of confidence the Giants can express in Eli Manning than to carry just two quarterbacks into the regular season. The other is Ryan Nassib. Would have helped if either one of those guys could cover Calvin Johnson. There’s a chance we could see Nassib play in this game, not because Eli is going to be that bad, but because Ndamukong Suh is one of the few NFL players that I believe makes a legitimate attempt to murder someone on the football field.

LIONS over Giants

SANNIE: I love New York! There’s a very important trip to New York that has to happen so I need the city to be happy.

GIANTS over Lions

San Diego Chargers at Arizona Cardinals

I like the Cardinals as a sleek sexy sleeper pic this year, mainly because the Good Lord keeps blessing Carson Palmer with these ridiculous wide receiver tandems. The last time the Cards had two elite receivers and an old gunslinger at quarterback they finished one play shy of a Super Bowl win and this team has definite Ewing-Theory potential with Darnell Dockett sidelined for the year. I have very little faith in Andre Ellington, the only thing that I have less faith in is Ryan Matthew’s ability to stay healthy or to hold onto the ball on Sunday.

CARDS over Chargers

SANNIE: I always wanted a Charger, the car, so they win this by default.

CHARGERS over Cards