A COMIC'S VIEW: Too much PLP loose talk - and a divine spanking

By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya

As we get started this week, I’m glad to see that such a broad cross section of Bahamians read and enjoy this column and (judging by the side eye I get from them in Pizza Hut’s checkout line) certain politicians not so much.

Did you get

the message?

This week, I was happy to hear our Minister of Foreign Affairs and Fox Hill MP Fred Mitchell appear live (for a change) on a talk show.

Although he still took no call-ins, it’s quite a change from Mr Mitchell’s recent pop-star politician stance of having interviewers come to him.

Thumbs up, thumbs down

• Thumbs up to the late Sir Albert Miller, a great man and Bahamian.

Sir Albert was a dear friend of my late grandfather, K M Thompson, as well as my great uncle Augustus Roberts (former Commissioner of Police) and the family.

Thanks for all the great memories and hilarious stories, we shall miss you Uncle Albert. Condolences to his family, and may he rest in peace.

• Thumbs up to the late Mr Bismark Coakley, another great Bahamian and business whizz.

Mr Coakley proved that no matter your beginnings you can achieve greatness through education and hard work.

His love of family was incredible and his legacy will most certainly live on. Condolences to his family as well and may he rest in peace.

• Thumbs up to the Royal Bahamas Police Force, who’ve done an outstanding job recently.

Officers are intensifying their efforts to restore law and order, all while ridding the streets of armed and dangerous criminals, while having to engage in horrific shootouts with suspects.

The officers of the RBPF continue to risk life and limb, all while sacrificing time with their families to ensure our safety. And for that they must be commended.

• Thumbs down to Minister Glenys Hanna-Martin. Though not necessarily her making what is happening in Transportation and Aviation is ridiculous.

You mean to tell me an international flight just 15 minutes out from Freeport was re-routed to Nassau because the air traffic controller was getting ready to “knock off”?

In the words of my “Jungalist” brethren, “y’all better stop joking.”

Please get a handle on things, Mrs Hanna-Martin. Bahamians may appear indifferent to government’s failings on the ground but make no mistake, we would never forgive a preventable disaster in the air.

• Thumbs up to an impending anniversary. Fifty years ago this coming weekend, Sir Lynden Oscar Pindling (who was a mere 35-year-old) along with Sir Cecil Wallace Whitfield, Sir Clarence Bain, Sir Milo Butler, Arthur D Hanna, Sir Arthur A Foulkes, Dame Dr Doris Johnson and Rev Dr H W Brown stood as a smart and serious delegation before the United Nations Special Committee on Decolonisation.

Before that esteemed body, Sir Lynden laid bare the plight of the disfranchised Bahamian, placing emphasis on Majority Rule, rights of workers, education for the youth and conflicts of interest with respect to Cabinet ministers.

History records the success of their efforts on that occasion, and a thankful nation remains.

I guess he got the memo on that but missed the one about having a “hard mouth” with his perceived adversaries. His latest object of disaffection? MP Loretta Butler-Turner.

During a trip down south to Long Island, Mr Mitchell (to paraphrase) basically informed Mrs Butler-Turner’s constituents that she was in possession of something called “a bag of bile”, and this so-called substance was the reason they were being ignored by their government.

Mr Mitchell seemed to imply that if MP Butler-Turner were to suck up to government in Parliament, that would go a long way toward this administration actually giving two-cents about all of its citizens (and sheep alike).

It’s clear how badly Mr Mitchell’s rose-lensed spectacles need cleaning.

But according to his logic, Loretta Butler-Turner has an excuse for not getting her complete wish list done in her constituency. What’s the excuse for Mitchell’s PLP colleagues in government who have failed spectacularly in their constituencies?

The last time I checked, Grand Bahama was suffering in epic, unconscionable proportions, with a jobless rate that defies logic. What’s the precise amount of kissing up PLP Minister for Grand Bahama Michael Darville has to do? Because based on his results so far, I hope he’s at least prepared to kiss his seat goodbye.

And let’s be honest, if brown-nosing authority really amounted to anything for regular Bahamians, Prime Minister Christie’s Farm Road constituents should have at least been beyond the outdoor toilets stage after 40 years of repeatedly showing him love.

If you listen to the streets of Nassau these days the rallying cry is no longer “gold rush” but rather “gold needs to flush”.


Please Mr Mitchell, spare us the rhetoric. And do be careful which colleagues you pick fights with.

Your rebellious “mentee” Dr Andre Rollins, who loves lighting up former colleagues like they’re Cuban cigars, will probably remind you “Loretta ain’t the one!”

And now, a word from the First Estate

This past week, we finally heard from various aspects of the First Estate (that is, the church) on matters that have enthralled the public.

After news (and video) got around of Prime Minister Christie “shuffling” in a church in Fox Hill, many Bahamians sounded off on social media that they’ve had enough of his same ole song and dance.

That public affairs faux pas by Mr Christie and other members of the government was quickly followed up with another questionable trip to the altar that earned the Prime Minister and his entourage the ire of Archdeacon Ranfurly Brown of St Agnes Anglican Church.

For reasons unclear, Mr Christie and company thought it wise to go beyond the allotted three-minute speaking time slots extended them during the funeral service of the late Bahamian business sage, Bismark Coakley.

Now anyone who knows the archdeacon knows “Father Brown don’t play that”.

And so, it was with shocked amusement we watched as the venerable church leader put his foot down (and in other places) as he chastised them for “running right out” in his church. (A copy of the divine spanking via the church’s weekly bulletin is floating around Facebook for those of you who missed it).

And if that biblical boot print to the backside wasn’t enough, the august Archbishop Drexel Gomez also joined in the “tan up” and chided politicians while steadfastly agreeing with the sentiments expressed by his son, Minister Damian Gomez (who is 50 yet sounds 90 when he speaks, but is making “plenty sense” these days).

Did I mention that Minister Gomez hasn’t been himself lately? Ever since he was unceremoniously removed from all legal dealings to do with Baha Mar, our Deputy Attorney General has been something of a nightmare for certain privileged parliamentarians.

If you’re a crooked politician, horror has a new name – The Omen 3: The Return of Damian.

He’s called out unnamed politicians on previous conflicts and shenanigans with respect to the public purse, and has left no doubt in my mind that were he given the chance certain current (and former) politicos would be sued down to their shoestrings and run out of office as barefoot bandits.

Minister Gomez was benched during the game, so he’s free to become a game changer. When he finally starts putting his words into action that will be a day the Archbishop and the country will be even more proud.

Can I get an Amen?

Until next week “Laugh now, cry later”.

• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to naughty@tribunemedia.net.


GenX 8 years, 11 months ago

gGreat read as usual i would laugh more but sadly these politicians drive me to tears.. Election 22017 cant come quick enough . SMT

BMW 8 years, 10 months ago

I gotta agree 2017 cant come soon enough. My only hope that grand bahamaxcan last that long!!!!!!!!!!

Maynergy 8 years, 10 months ago

Imagine Bahamas beyond 2017 (IBB2017) with a patriotic nationalist government that set up and establishes a functional people oriented regime with the following for the betterment of the people: a) S.O.R.S (Strategic Oil Reserve Supply) To minimize the lack of petroleum throughout the territories and the maintenance /regulation of fair pricing & market stability. b) B.M.T.S (Bahamas Maritime Tracking System) I.e. Installed in all mail boats etc plying the national waters. c) N.C.M (National Cellular market – deregulation and opening cellular services to competition. d) I.I.A.T (Inter island Air Transportation). e) I.I.T.B (Inter island tourism board). f) New postal rates for mass mailers/advertisers/bulk mailers. g) Housing department that renders residents a helping hand not a hand-out. h) B.T.A. (Bahamas Transportation Authority) A semi –quasi agency that administers the mass movement of people in New Providence island and throughout the island nation. i) National prescription drug plan (npd) to ensure the pricing of imported drugs may be cost effective and stay reasonable. Imagine Bahamas Beyond 2017 with a Control and Command Center 3C’s). Control and Command Center (3C’s) under the direct authority of the Prime Minister (National Security Council) Imagine Bahamas Beyond 2017 with the gentrification (revamping) of historical sites to preserve the past/ relics/ customs/others. Imagine Bahamas Beyond 2017 with a new national photo “Non-drivers card? Imagine Bahamas Beyond 2017; with a Control & Command Center (ie) 3 Cs. Control and Command Center under the direct authority of the Prime (National Security Council) Thank You for supporting the initiatives

Maynergy 8 years, 10 months ago

In the long run, nothing a government can do, does more good for the people that creating and adopting good policies for creative innovative economic growth. What this government or most government do is to either accelerate or decelerate long run economic growth - i.e the most important aspect of macro-economic policy. Nothing matters more in the long run for the quality of life in an economy that its long run rate of growth. Consider this, for a more sustainable prognosis, using the spending and credit powers of the national government to affect the economy is an awesome way to further open up the economic umbrella for further stimulus in the family islands could be a trigger which could loan more prosperous outcome for everyone who embraces new enterprising and emerging trends to succeed. Whats your view?

Maynergy 8 years, 10 months ago

The truth remains clear that a more compelling and convincing argument have to be given WHY, children (i.e) Haitian birth in the islands of the Bahamas has to be treated like they have been treated for the last thirty years. These children must be given full national status and accepted in the mainstream. Bahamian man or woman consciously knew what they were doing when they had intercourse. That's a fact. The "Children" must be taken cared off soon or then; there could be other unintended consequences developing that would be unfavorable to the Bahamas at large. What does that mean one may asked? There is no need for a "Commission" to be set up to establish to see and know the unfavorable attitude that would be shown towards Haitians by Bahamians and "West Indies" people. The continued "disdain" Bahamians have for other peoples of the west Indies has to be wiped out and people should be encouraged to embrace and celebrate our collective cultural linkages.

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