The Tribune

By JEFFARAH GIBSON Tribune Features Writer THERE was no "beating around the bush" for the seven all-male panelists who engaged an all-female audience in raw uncensored conversations about what really goes on in the hearts and minds of men at the 'Straight Talk No Chaser' event held last week at the Sheraton Beach Resort. The event, which was presented by Together Apart relationship academy, gave the audience an insight into some of the most common relationship issues - such as communication - and presented the male perspective on why men cheat, why men lie, and what men look for in a woman he wants to marry. The panel was made up of all Bahamians, including Ed Fields, radio personality and senior vice president of public affairs & retails at Kerner International, Brent Mayson, Bahamian entrepreneur, Keith Marcellus Dean, owner of ATOM Consulting, Sammie Poiter, recording artist and president of South Beach Association, Freddie Lightbourne, police officer and owner of Team Slugger Fitness, Kirk Johnson relationship coach, and Dr Kwesi Smith, veterinarian. One of the hottest questions posed to the panelist during the four 20-minute rounds was 'what are some of the key factors that cause men to lie?' This question came under the cheating theme and was answered simply. "We cheat just because we can. That is the most basic reasons why we cheat. If a man sees a nice, fine, looking woman, he is attracted to her and he knows he can sleep with her without his woman ever finding out, he will do so," Kwesi said. Although several of the panelist were in disagreement, Kwesi said what a woman considers cheating, a man does not. "A man does not see cheating as having sex with a next woman. Cheating for a man is when he is taking another woman out to dinner and doing all the things he would do with his girlfriend with another woman. Sex is just sex and we do not see it as nothing more," he said. Other reasons given by the panelist as to why men lie is because they are not prepared to deal with the consequences of cheating, they are immature, they are selfish, guilty, shame, and they do not want to deal with confrontation. "I cheated before on my ex-girlfriend and I did it because it was easy to do so and I was selfish. I did not really care about her or her feelings," Brent said. The in-house therapist Dr Wayne Thompson, clinical psychologist, marriage and family counselor, said a man who constantly "runs around" is trying to fill a void. "God's love for us is so strong he wanted to give us a taste of what it is he feels for us. A man who constantly cheats or has sex with different women has spiritual disconnect from God. This disconnect leaves a void a man's life and he uses his penis to fill that void," he said. There is no single prescription or formula when it comes to matters of the heart and dealing with the most popular relationship issue - communication. The panelist were asked "what is the best way to communicate with a man?" "There is nothing on the planet more difficult than communicating. It is easier to go to the moon on a rocket ship than to effectively communicate," Dr Thompson said. "When you are trying to communicate you need to take your emotions out of the equation," he said. "Men need to be respected. If you have something that you want to say do not come with an attitude because an attitude will not get you know where," Freddie said. "If there is something you want to say to your man get to the place where he is and choose the right time. If you see he is watching a basketball game what you can do is get some drinks for the both of you, join him on the couch, and talk to him in a respectful way when the game is on commercial," Brent said. Audience members were enlightened by the discussion and said they learned a great deal which they intend to apply to their own relationships. "There needs to be an event like this all the time. When a woman is going through problems in a relationship with her man the first person she runs to is her girlfriends. But truth is, it is better to hear from man what it is they think and feel and I learned a whole lot," Mona said. "Everything in life is like a classroom and this was a learning experience. Although some of the audience members did not agree with the responses given by some of the panelist, each panelist represents a man out there and this is the way some men think. Hopefully everyone got something from this and allowed it to stick with them," Brenda said. 'Straight Talk No Chaser' was hosted by New York native Chris Kazi Rolle entertainer, educator and entrepreneur along with Leah Rose marketing and public relations professional.