The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

In a culture overly driven by money and material motivation, you may be surprised to find that despite much external success, many people live a life of quiet desperation. It is a carbon copy, disengaged sort of life that lacks a sense of meaning and fulfilment.

They are often so frantic to fit their round feet into someone else’s square shoes, they spend the bulk of their time following the herd trying to survive, rather than thrive.

The challenge with the herd mentality is, you become so obsessed with fitting in that you don’t take the time to unearth your own self-worth.

Standing in your own shoes is about recognising that you were not born to fit in but to stand out. However, you cannot truly stand out if do not have the courage to stand in your own shoes.

Henry Thoreau put it well when he said, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

Standing in your own shoes is about being true to you. It is making an unprecedented commitment to show up as your fearless self and allow your music to take centre stage.

The question is - why is it so difficult for people to stand in their own shoes? One key reason is their mental conditioning that often hinders their belief in their own value. As such, despite much external achievements, people still do not show up in life based their feelings about themselves.

More than this, much of adult behaviour stems from the unresolved emotions of their childhood. Physically growing up does not divorce us from our little selves. You cannot separate yourself from yourself and so that little child within remains with you all ways.

And if you are holding any feelings of resentment, of not being good enough, not meeting others’ expectations or feelings of being unworthy, until they are resolved, they will continue to play out in your adult life, one-way or another.

This is a critical point. It means that when people show up in their relationships as spouses, parents, in their professions, at the workplace and in society in general, they bring all of their emotional accounts to the table.

If you are going to give yourself a fair chance to stand in your own shoes, find ways to heal and reconcile your emotional accounts of the past. This process requires an honest talk with yourself. It can be a painful but a very liberating process.

Standing in your own shoes is not a surface based concept. It is not about buying or wearing high-end or red bottom shoes. It demands that you go beyond the superficial and listen deep within to hear the gentle whispers of life reminding you of who you really are.

Trendy labels and so-called brand shoes have become a common addiction amongst today’s men and women. Many of whom buy expensive shoes and clothes solely as a means of being validated. The irony here is true validation cannot come from material things. Genuine self-worth comes from knowing your worth is an inborn quality. You are born worthy.

Standing in your own shoes challenges you to move below the surface of life to connect with a deeper sense of purpose and meaning.

In this instance, the meaning of the word shoes speaks to your courage to show up as your authentic self, to be honest about what is true for you, to practice obedience and to engage your own ideals and most importantly, to stay connected to the true source of life itself.

Living an authentic life means living from the inside out. When you redefine the meaning of the shoes on your feet, you will move towards a better paradigm.

I believe that the status quo habit and living in the shadows must give way to more meaningful, loftier ideals.

Let me also say that if you are amongst the many adults who did not receive any sense of validation from your parents or guardians when you were a child, understand that it is okay. I encourage you to release any blame or resentment that you may be holding.

This is a new day and you are now in the driver seat of your life. You have the power to validate yourself as being worthy.

It is also true that many decline to stand in their own shoes, because they are afraid, they may offend or disappoint others. Whether it be parents, family, friends or society itself. However, when you mute or ignore your own inner yearnings, you slowly begin to shrink.

Living from a small disposition is not your heritage. You were born for greatness and you owe it to yourself to stand tall, no matter what. Remember, taking the lead in your life is about reorienting yourself to your intrinsic worth.

Indeed, standing in your own shoes is a bold step, which is not for the fainthearted. Because it takes extraordinary courage to accept that, your own shoes are good enough. By owning and trusting them, they will lead you to your most Northern star.

Make today the day that you take the lead in your life by believing in yourself and standing in your own shoes. Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

• What do you think? Please send your comments to coaching242@yahoo.com or 429-6770. Michelle M. Miller is a certified Life-Coach, Leadership Expert and Author of Take The Lead. She is the CEO of TTL Coaching Strategies and founder of the Girls Leadership Coaching Club.