The Tribune

By Dr Monique Thompson

“Orgasms. Where do I find them?”

That is exactly how the question was put to me by a female. My initial and immediate response was: “Well, where all have you looked?”

The direction that conversation took has spawned this week’s column: besides, after all the hot and heavy topics of the past few weeks, we were long overdue for a breakout session.

Let’s talk about the reality of sexual intercourse and women’s orgasmic satisfaction. While the act itself can be highly enjoyable and carries with it many benefits for our health and relationships, according to the published results of numerous studies publicised by Harvard University Press, only about 25 per cent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. The key word there is “consistently.” Do you know what that number is for men? Around 95 per cent. Talk about an unfair orgasm gap!

These numbers reveal that sexual intercourse is not the most effective way of us females consistently getting where we want to be sexually. Further statistics reveal that around 50 per cent of women occasionally have orgasms during intercourse, 20 per cent seldom have orgasms during intercourse and about five per cent never have orgasms. Is it any wonder then that some 67 per cent of females have faked orgasms?

So, what are some of the female barriers to this awesome “O” experience?

First and foremost, direct clitoral stimulation is a big key to the female orgasm. Because of where it is located, being directly accessed during intercourse can be a challenge. Individual female anatomy, physical sexual position and the love-making skills of one’s partner all influence this.

That being said, women, the first answer is literally in your hands … or should I say on your hands? If your partner is giving it his all and it still isn’t quite what you need or you just want to add an extra oomph to your experience, before he satisfies himself and leaves you hanging, don’t be afraid to please yourself. This is where self-esteem, self-confidence and comfort with your body and significant other all come into play.

Research shows that females’ lack of comfort with their bodies and self-esteem directly impacts their ability to climax. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more likely your chances of finding the elusive “O”. Many factors feed into comfort and self-confidence but start by looking at your body (that’s right, grab a mirror and see what you have been blessed with), appreciating yourself and getting to know what feels good to you. Use interactions with a partner as an opportunity to do the latter.

Just as a note, as a family medicine physician, I see normal female genitals of all shapes, sizes, and shades; the emphasis being on the word “normal.” It varies from woman to woman, just like breasts, so be happy with what’s yours.

Another great solution in the world of direct stimulation to have an orgasm is the use of toys. As adults we can play too! In today’s society, the options out there are countless. Again, figure out what feels good to you and explore different ways of experiencing it. With all the gizmos and gadgets out there designed to offer sexual pleasures in so many different ways, keep hygiene in mind, especially when enjoying toys with your spouse. Use soap and water to clean the toy before and after use, and sometimes during use depending on the shared activities.

Patience is also a great asset in this venture. Experts agree that it generally takes females longer to orgasm, which can take up to 20 to 40 minutes. Forty minutes is a long time. Ladies, if you fall into that category (or if you don’t), here is where I really encourage you to switch up vaginal sex with talented cunnilingus. Compared to intercourse, men, you should consider this your recoup time.

Ladies, both of you also need to locate your G-spot and have that area join the pleasure party (see my article entitled “The Mysterious Grafenberg Spot” aka G-spot).

As I close, my suggestions to men who care about their lady’s pleasure include taking time for foreplay, letting her know that from top to bottom you love what you see, being open to her telling you what feels better to her, and giving her the time to climax first because there is a 95 per cent chance that you will get yours either way.

• Dr Monique Thompson is the Founder of Cornerstone Healing Institute, an integrative family medicine clinic that focuses on educating patients on healthier lifestyles, preventing and treating chronic disease. Contact 356-0083 or visit www.chibahamas.com for more information.