The Tribune

EDITOR, The Tribune

After an exciting weekend, we can finally reveal the results of the recent sporting event.

The BEC team was hampered by the team captain, Miller, who kept on running his mouth instead of his feet, and shooting off in the wrong direction, before having to be pulled back and pointed the right way. But they still managed a personal best of 12 hours 43 minutes before they had to retire with yet another breakdown.

The FNM team couldn’t decide who was supposed to be captain in the first place, and kept on changing their team. The fastest runner, a woman, was not allowed to join up with the men and had to compete in the Long Island jump on her own. Several of the PLP team looked to be set for the high jump, but ended up running round in circles while passing the baton between them, so that the judges got confused and gave up.

The Rubis team was disqualified in the marathon due to a spill.

The Cabinet team were all set to start, but never got going – their leader turned up four hours late. They then debated whether to set up a standing committee to look into the whole question, while the team captain assured the public there would never be another team to match it.

The Baha Mar team sent a note to the organisers saying that they might be ready for next year’s event and blamed the government and the contractors and the workers and the tourists and the weather for the delay.

The Urban Renewal team, after a fast start, ran outside their lane and were summoned to appear before the judges, but declined and ran off in the opposite direction.

And so the real winners were the BOB team and the Webshop team (who had quietly amalgamated recently and thus formed an unbeatable partnership), and who collected all the gold and the silver and ran off into the sunset, laughing.

SITTIN BY THE TRACK AND TIMIN’

Nassau,

May 3, 2015.