The Tribune

By Rochelle Dean

Domestic abuse, whether verbal or physical, exists everywhere. No home is off limits, whether from Lyford Cay to Old Fort Bay or our more grassroots ‘over the hill’ areas. It’s a subject we know exists but one we often chose to ignore, happy it’s not something which encroaches on our own lives. For the victims the abuse can be life changing, destroying everything. It is only by understanding their stories that we can begin to educate the abusers and begin to effect change.

When Faye met Paul, he was a young aspiring professional whose dream was to start his own business and provide for his family. At the time Faye was a young daddy’s girl who lived a very happy life with close family. Paul fell in love with how family oriented she was and couldn’t resist starting a relationship with her.

Faye never expected her life to turn out the way it did. Paul pursued her all the way to the aisle, a seemingly happy couple soon blessed with their first child. When the baby came Paul insisted Faye stay at home, looking after the baby but at the same time helping him with managing his business.

This was the plan, their way to financial freedom but things just didn’t seem to work out the way they envisioned, or perhaps as Paul wanted them to be.

One afternoon, Paul asked Faye about a woman client, complaining she had been rude and how damaging this was to his business. No matter what she said he wouldn’t listen, ears closed to her pleadings that she had been totally polite. He chose simply not to believe her, shouting abuse at whatever she said.

He called her stupid, an idiot, insisting she was the reason his business was failing- it was all her fault.

Desperate to try and calm him, Faye said she was sorry for anything she had done which was when the first blow came. Why, he said, apologise if as she said she’d done nothing wrong? Liar. he punched her to the ground and left the room.

Faye felt humiliated, detached, shocked by his actions and felt less than a human being. Paul would never treated the dog the way he had just treated her.

That night, she went to their bedroom to find the door locked. That night she slept on the couch, wondering her fate and thought that Paul would make it up to her in the morning.

The next morning, Paul said nothing, just dressed and went to work. Faye was once again humiliated, ashamed and confused.

It was the beginning of the end. Paul began calling her names at every opportunity, persisting in his illusion that she was trying to ruin him. She would insist she was sorry and he would simply respond, ‘But you I thought you did nothing?’

Inevitably, each row, each volley of abuse would end in violence.

Faye’s only solace was that Paul was a good father to their son. For a time things improved, his business got better and she became pregnant again. Faye was very happy and Paul was excited to be a dad for the second time. The violence drifted away for a time but it would not last.

He came home one day and the old Paul was back. Again he was screaming she was trying to ruin his life, that she was a ‘basket case’, crazy woman’ who wanted him to have nothing. This time he totally lost control and the blows rained down.

She reached out to her family for help but they simply took Paul’s side. She had a beautiful home, kids, she should not be upsetting him.

Not for the first time, Faye felt alone, betrayed and completely humiliated.

As Paul continued his abusive ways, using her as a punch bag anytime she did anything wrong, her self-esteem began to deteriorate. Faye began to feel like she was nothing to Paul, that he didn’t want her to be a part of his family anymore.

One night, he came straight out with it telling her she should leave because she was not a good wife, mother or employee.

She refused and of course it just served to fuel his rage.

She’d imagined things couldn’t get any worse until the night he told her he had a new woman in his life, he wanted to marry her and was moving her into their home. Somehow she still couldn’t bring herself to leave and so suffered the abuse from both Paul and his mistress.

When things got too bad, she’d call the police whose only advice was to leave, try the Crisis Centre. Family and friends didn’t want to know, fearful Paul would turn on them too.

The abuse was unbearable but she wouldn’t leave. In the end it was her defiance, her contempt for Paul that made him leave the house but he took the children with him.

The violence was over, but she was left alone, struggling to make it on her own.

She knew one thing though. She had survived, whatever it took she’d make it, no matter what.