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A Comic's View: I Once Fell In Love With Someone Who Only Knew Four Vowels . . . They Didn't Know I Existed

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

CUPID’S COMEDY

Happy Valentine’s Day to each and every one of you. Seeing how, oftentimes love is accompanied by laughter, I think it only fitting to offer up some Valentine’s humour on the day of love, for all of the lovers, in love, in The Bahamas.

PUN INTENDED:

Any professional comedian who’s worth their salt, knows that a ‘pun’ is a vital necessity, and potentially lethal weapon in their arsenal of jokes.

If you don’t know what a pun is, keep reading, and you soon will.

PUN (noun)

A joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

The Railway Society reception was an informal party of people of all stations (excuse the pun) in life.

pun (verb)

“Freeth adopted the nickname Free in punning allusion to his beliefs”.

So exclusively for the ‘mandom’ based on some of the ladies favourite foods, here are a few ‘puns’ to use all day long on the one you love, especially if your going to a lavish, romantic Valentine’s dinner.

Use them well my brothers:

I simply donut know what I’d do without you.

I only have fries for you.

Brie mine.

You got a pizza my heart.

Olive you so much.

You melt me.

My heart beets for you.

Love you so matcha.

I think you’re grate.

I love you s’more and s’more.

You’re simply my jam.

Love you from my head tomatoes.

We’re mint to be.

You make miso happy.

Words can’t espresso how much I love you.

You are one in a melon.

Will you peas be mine?

We make a great pear.

Happy Valentine’s Day, cute-tea!

I have a whole latte love for you.

Let’s canoodle.

You’ve got me tongue-tied.

I love you a waffle lot.

You are the loaf of my life.

To my butter half on this Valentine’s Day.

FOR THE OFFICE COMEDIAN:

For all if you who entertain your co workers, on break in the lunch room, restroom or at the water cooler, here’s a few to add to your routine.

Don’t blame me if you get laughed at, instead of with.

What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card? “Be my Valen-slime!”

“What did the paper clip say to the magnet?” “I find you very attractive.”

“What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?” “I’m stuck on you!”

“Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?” “His heart wasn’t in it.”

“Why did the sheriff lock up their valentine?” “She stole their heart.”

“What do you call two birds in love?” “Tweethearts!”

“How can you tell when a squirrel is in love?” “It goes nuts!”

“I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.”

“I once fell in love with someone who only knew four vowels. They didn’t know I existed.”

“What did the calculator say to the pencil?” “You can count on me.”

“How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?” “He gave her a ring!”

“What did one oar tell the other oar?” “This is so row-mantic!”

“What did the light bulb say to the other light bulb?” “You light my world up.”

“How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?” “For stealing someone’s heart.”

In closing for all of you young ‘Romeos’ our there, in the spirit of young love,

‘Uncle’ ‘Naughty’ will bless you with a fail proof, pick up line.....happy trails.

“I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk straight into a pole.”

Live, love and laugh!

Comments

Chucky 1 week, 3 days ago

Naughty

We need you to lend your voice, your platform to an issue very serious and near to every Bahamians heart.

A story today , http://www.tribune242.com/news/2020/f..." rel="nofollow">http://www.tribune242.com/news/2020/f...

About Nygard and his various crimes:

A quote from the story: “

The lawsuit portrays The Bahamas as a country where corruption is so pervasive and sexual crimes treated so lightly that the former Lyford Cay resident successfully evaded accountability for his alleged acts.”

Sadly it’s so very true, our nation is corrupt, well that’s a given, beyond any doubt. On the other point; we’re. Nation that supports raping your wife, and a different set of rules for they rich.

Anyhow, I remember you said that if we ever wanted you to lend a hand, just ask, well here goes.

Please go to the editor, or whoever you have to, and ask them to stop protecting the criminals by silencing the comment section. The protecting of the corrupt and sinful in all these news stories makes it appear all to obvious that not only is their corruption, but that the corrupt extends systemically through society and encompasses all our media.

For is the tribune is not supporting all these criminals, then why are they protecting them from comments.

Fact, any of us who have every need to a Nygard party, know these accusations to be true, without any doubt

Tribune, let us comment on these stories, for perhaps we can line up some witnesses to help solve these crimes ; lest you are one in the same tribune, and you are protecting your guilty comrades

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