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When To Forgive

By  JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune FeaturesWriter 

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

FOR some women the rope of forgiveness extends a great length, while for others it only lasts as long as they can go without breathing. 

In many intimate relationships, forgiveness can be one of the biggest hurdles a couple can face. And the amount of time it takes for one to forgive their mate can either hinder or propel a relationship.

Why are some women more reluctant or willing to forgive their partners? What and how frequently are some women willing to forgive and move past the sins of theirpartners? Tribune Woman sought answers to these question, and found out that the ideas of some local women on forgiveness stem from what they see as socially acceptable.

“My ideas are only based on what I have seen on television, and from others in their relationship. Forgiveness is not something that is taught like a math course in school. You learn about it, how it works and how it is going to impact the relationship with someone that you deeply care about. So you do not know what to do when you are faced with an issue or when your partner has wronged you,” Nadia Davis told Tribune Woman.  

Nadia said she always thought that once she has been wronged by her mate, she would kiss the relationship good-bye. With this kind of thinking she found herself  in and out of relationships with men, using them as a scapegoat for her misconceptions.

“I always thought if you love me then you would never do anything to hurt me. And if a guy did something that hurt me he did not love me in the first place and I did not need to be with him.”

But I ended up loving this one guy. He fell short at some point and I had to forgive him, or else that would mean letting him go,” she said.

Forgiving almost instantly after one is wrong, is not a sign of weakness, Sheila said. It does show the understanding one has about human nature and the pressure many individuals are faced with to walk perfectly.

“Some women see forgiving their boyfriend for cheating, lying, or doing something that bothers them as being soft. Or they may feel pressure from friends and family not to forgive because they do not want to be considered stupid. Forgiveness brings you peace and once you let something go you no longer hold it against the person, she said.

“At the end of the day no one is perfect and we all make mistakes and there will come a time in the relationship when the woman will look to her partner to let something go.”

When it comes to how much one should forgive and move past, Lisa said, that depends on the individual and how she feels. She said everyone is different and every woman knows just how much they can take.

“I think anyone should do what they have to do to make themselves happy. But me, I will only forgive you once for anything. No one is going to make a fool out of me. You cannot expect me to forgive you over and over and over for the same thing. That means you are not learning and you do not sincerely want forgiveness,” Lisa told Tribune Woman.

However, Tasha had a different view.

“When you forgive you are not doing it for the other person, you are doing it for yourself. It is really not to please them but so that you can move past the hurt or the anger that you feel about what they have done to you,” she told Tribune Woman. 

Maria’s rope is long and thick but the one sin of a man she cannot forgive multiple times is cheating.

“Kissing, holding hands, going out with her all of that is cheating to me and I will not forgive seventy times seven like the bible said. No way you cannot be that foolish. I had a boyfriend who cheated on me years ago and up to this day if I see him I will keep my head held high,” she said.

Stacy said: “Maybe I could forgive cheating and all that stuff, but forgetting to cherish me and planning special dates on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, or just in general I find that stuff hard to forgive. Even spending more time with your friends than me I find that difficult to forgive because I am supposed to be number one in any man’s life,” she said.

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