The Tribune

By MICHELLE MILLER

How many times have you asked or heard others ask - what is love? Many people actually believe they have some conclusive insight into this often-elusive phenomenon called love. But more often than not, people’s perceptions about what love is or is not refers only to a tiny aspect of love. That’s the so-called happily ever-after love, dressed in romantic attire.

Of course, this romantic perception of love derives from personal love relations and whatever misgivings those relations produce. Moreover, this narrow view of love is often rooted in strong feelings of desire, thoughts, and emotions, which flow out from one person to another.

Naturally, as people move through various phrases of their lives, these sometimes-fleeting feelings change from moment to moment leaving many emotionally confused about love and what it really mean to them.

This limiting definition of love being that of romance has been the view of the masses for eons. And even after all of this time, it remains elusive and shrouded in uncertainty.

Imagine then, venturing into an expanded definition of love that daringly dives into the untapped arena of self-love, which is the focal point of this article.

What do you know about self-love? When were you taught what it means to love yourself?

Let us be honest, the concept of self-love is not a topic of discussion in the main. Twelve years of basic education has yielded no such lesson in any respect. As such, most individuals have no inner understanding of who they are or how to love themselves. Even if they are inspired to take action when they hear the common cliché ‘love yourself’ their actions will invariably, involve buying or doing something externally.

Sadly, the notion of gaining the whole world as a means of loving and creating an identity for oneself has become the norm. Truth is self-love has nothing to do with your capacity to accumulate stuff. Instead, it is heartfelt respect and appreciation of who you are and your inborn qualities. The degree, to which you can love yourself in this way, is the degree to which you can sincerely give love to another. You can only give what you possess.

The deep-rooted lack of self-love leads to low self-esteem, poor self-image, and empty pursuits. What I learned early in life is the laws of life are always at play, whether we believe them or not. The first law is to understand that none of us will get out of this life alive. Your best bet is to learn the laws of life to live in harmony with them rather than wasting time trying to circumvent them. You cannot ‘out do’ or dupe life.

One key law is that you will only reap what you sow. Hence, you must plant the seed if you desire to harvest any fruit

Consequently, you cannot experience the benefit of love outside of yourself, if you have not planted the seed love inside of yourself.

Here in is the greatest challenge with romantic love. People are conditioned to chase after the idea of ‘loving’ someone else without first heeding the need to learn how to love themselves. This notion is a fallacy that usually ends in feelings of small self-worth, anxiety, and rejection.

Ultimately, your life mission is not to get your degree, buy a car or a house, or to find a spouse. Instead, your mission is to find out who you are, and learn to love, value and respect yourself. If you nobody taught you this powerful lesson, then your utmost responsibility is to get busy connecting the dots of your life.

The question is – do you love yourself enough to learn how to love yourself?

To live without passion is not living, but existing. Self-love is the real elixir in living a life of passion; intrinsically motivated by the power of your unique potential.

Find the courage to love yourself enough to accept, forgive, trust, change, inspire, and believe in yourself. Remember loving yourself is not about the buildup of material wealth or living lavishly. Instead, it is the inner cultivation of kindheartedness.

Know that your life is not some accident; you are an essential piece of God’s Masterpiece. As such, you are always included, never excluded from love. This is your birthright and your golden ticket to all possibilities.

Why should loving yourself enough be your priority? Today’s world is designed to keep you looking outward to gain your worth and value. Soon, you start to believe that the things you possess determine who you are. However, if who you are is based on what you possess, and you lost your possessions – who would, you be?

It is a colossal mistake to tie your self-identity to your net worth, rather than your self-worth.

Also recognise that your mission to learn how to love yourself is not a group project. You must push pass the habit of herd mentality to learn to love yourself enough. You cannot out source this mission to anyone else – not your parent, spouse, pastor, the government, or your friend. You must do it for yourself.

Real love is has a transcending power that surpasses human understanding. You must have love for yourself before trying to give it others. Like oxygen, you must put your mask on before seeking to put it on another.

Loving yourself, enough is also about the loving ways you speak to and about yourself, being gentle with yourself. It means refraining from self-neglect, and seeing the best in you, even when others may not. Engage in positive language that lift you up rather than tear you down. This love not only changes but also transforms. Being overly preoccupied with the material things of this world is the path of herd. It is, at best, superficial and often leads a disconnected kind of living. Real love is about growing roots before branches.

For this reason, the path to self-love is not an easy road. Especially, if you have been heartbroken and have somehow counted yourself out. Picking up the pieces to redefine yourself can a struggle. However, rest assured that despite its initial challenges, it is worth the effort because your life is an ever-changing landscape of possibilities and love is the glue that holds you together.

As you make today the day that you take the lead remember nothing is stronger than the power of love. Make it your life mission to love yourself enough to learn how to love yourself.

Now is the perfect time to shift your life paradigm.

• Your feedback has great value; please write to coaching242@yahoo.com or text 429-6770. Michelle M. Miller is a certified Life-Coach, Leadership Expert, and Host of the Radio program – Men & The e-Factor. www.taketheleadbook.com.