The Tribune

By JEFFARAH GIBSON

Tribune Features Reporter

jgibson@tribunemedia.net

HOW DO you bring comfort when a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer? While there are no set rules when it comes to supporting a loved one with cancer, Andrea Sweeting president of Sister Sister Breast Cancer Support presented practical ways to comfort and show support to a friend or family member who has been diagnosed with cancer. She was the speaker during the recently held Doctor’s Hospital Distinguished Lecture Series.

After hearing the news of a loved one’s diagnosis it is helpful to learn out more about the disease, especially if serving as the primary care taker.

For the person diagnosed, they may be overwhelmed with the feelings of fear, guilt, uncertainty and worthless.

“Allow them to express their feelings, and they may break down, and you may cry with them. But this is only for a moment. They must feel your empathy and not your sympathy. Embrace them, give them a pat on the shoulder, hold their hand while allowing them to regain their composure. Reassure them that the more they are able to express themselves the better they will feel. Encourage their involvement in the conversation,” she said.

It can seem impossible at times to know what to say or do. The fear of saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time or offending them at a sensitive moment becomes a struggle for some people. Ms Sweeting said responding in empathy is very important.

“We must let them know that we are sorry about the news. We must be mindful of our deportment and attitude. We must always be positive because our expressions reveal concerns.

“The encouragement has to start and we want them to know the facts. Cancer is not a death sentence any longer. More people are living with cancer than ever before. There are also new ways to treat cancer and they are being discovered everyday. We must also let them know that nothing that you do or did not do caused it,” she said.

One of the most important things anyone can do is treat the loved one with cancer like a normal person.

For people who have been diagnosed with cancer, Ms Sweeting said it is not a death sentence and a person’s life does not have to stop. She said engaging in new activities and seeing the disease helps put the new journey in perspective.

“We do have fears, we fear the unknown. Some people fear financial problems, the treatments of chemotherapy and radiation. These feelings are real and for now we have to accept what is going on in our lives. Acknowledge the fact that you have just heard that it is true. Denial should not be the action to take. The challenge going forward is to be proactive,” she said.

Sister Sister Breast Cancer Support Group offers a safe environment for those whose lives have been touched by breast cancer. Together, they support each other in a loving, caring and spiritual environment.

“When we speak to individuals we try to treat all of them the very same way, not as if one is a loved one or one is any different and as we said earlier they are all unique.

“For us at Sister Sister the support is very necessary and we are thankful that we have the opportunity to be a light for individuals and shine for them because this is real and we have women that are unable to help themselves so just having the support mechanism means so much to them.

“The love, the concern, the care, mean so much. Yes we can give monetary value, but do you know how much a touch, a pat on the shoulder and a show of concern for someone who is actually going through so much right now means? I can assure you the most important thing that we could give is ourselves, our work and our care and we can do so much. All of us have the concept that we can only do so little, but that little is a lot to someone, when that individual does not have any one. So we admonish every person to know that when a loved one has cancer we ourselves are going through [the journey] as the caregiver. We have to be compassionate; we have to show concern and love,” she said.