The Tribune

SPORTING MISCHIEF AND MAYHEM

By Inigo 'Naughty' Zenicazelaya

EVEN though we don’t celebrate Black History Month like our neighbours to the north in the good old USA, we’ve had many Bahamians contribute in their own way to writing black history throughout the States, especially in sports.

They are too numerous to mention in this piece, but one such Bahamian legend did arise in a conversation I had last week.

It happened a few nights ago at The Jokers Wild Comedy Club. A sports joust of sorts erupted between myself and feature comedian Tom Dustin, who is not only a very funny guy but also a very proud Bostonian.

After begrudgingly accepting that his beloved Patriots would not be recognised due to their numerous acts of cheating, Tom decided to bombard me with Celtics and Red Sox facts. He also tried to slide the Bruins in there, thinking hockey wasn’t on my radar, but after reminding him that Ray Bourque had to go to Colorado to win a Stanley Cup, he knew he was dealing with a sports “Guru”.

In the battle of chosen NBA teams, I had to concede the argument. Despite my Lakers beating Tom’s Celtics in the 2010 NBA Finals (I went the ‘what have you done for me lately’ route), in the end, 17 NBA championships are still one better than 16. Painful but true.

Then came the Red Sox onslaught. A well-known tactic amongst the ‘Red Sox Nation’ is to hit opposing fans with a barrage of recent successes spat out in a manner that would make even Dustin Hoffman’s character in “Rain Man” cringe. Toss in the fact that I’m a Yankees fan ... the rant was even more passionate, annoying and comical at the same time.

Shifty and good at adapting like most New Englanders, Tom first attempted to use my earlier angle of ‘what have you done for me lately’ against me. That was the comical part. The annoying part was having to listen to hurtful Yankees failures against the Red Sox rekindled and his making fun of Pedro Martinez “pimp-slapping” Don Zimmer to the ground during the 2003 American League Championship series stoked the flames of shame even further.

I must admit Tom put forward a solid presentation that even famed analyst Skip Bayless would be proud of. However, on this day I had home field advantage, I had the last at bat, and it was rally time! Tom, for all of his Boston pride and New England sports history diatribes, was a sitting duck. The home town boy had him set right up and knocked out of the debate in three swift moves.

First move

I reminded Tom the Red Sox were founded in 1901 and have won eight World Series titles - 1903, 1912, 1915, 1916, 1918, 2004, 2007 and 2013. Of course I mentioned the ‘lazy’ period between 1918 and 2004. Eighty six years between championships is Rip Van Winkle-like, and their record fails in comparison to my Yankees, who, founded in 1903, have 27 World Series titles laying around. That was the left hook that set him up.

Second move

Since I had him set up, I delivered the upper cut to hurt him by casually stating, “Aaron Boone’s walk-off home run in the 11th inning of the 2003 ALCS was a thing of beauty though, you got to admit that.” That landed square on the mark. Tom looked wounded, his eyes got big like a deer in headlights as I grinned. He took a step forward but stumbled a little, as though his knees had buckled. Tom finished his drink in one gulp and just glared at me as he replied, “You went there? That was a wicked hard one.”

At this moment I knew he was ready to fall. It was time for the “Ali” finish - the ‘straight right hand hook to the chin’ that ended in rock-a-bye baby.

Third (and final) move

Not giving him another chance to fully gather himself and retort, it was with great sense of Bahamian pride that I reminded Tom that it was a fellow Bahamian and Cincinnati ‘Big Red Machine’ member that contributed to another one of the Red Sox Nation’s shortcomings in their championship quest.

He looked very shocked and awed (though admittedly I’m used to that look as it’s similar to the one many of our politicians give whenever asked in-depth questions about VAT or Bahamas Junkanoo Carnival). “Tell me more, Mr Sports Encyclopedia” was his response, dripping with sarcasm and disgust.

So, I gladly obliged.

“Let me tell you about one of our legendary Bahamian Major Leaguers who won two World Series with the Cincinnati Reds in 1975 and 1976,” I began. “His name is Ed Armbrister and he was the batter whom Carlton Fisk intentionally bumped into, trying to get an interference call in the 11th inning of the 1975 World Series.”

Now I’ve seen my Caucasian friends get mad over the years and turn ‘Fifty Shades Of Red’ depending on the degree of anger, but Tom took the cake. He went from red to blood red to Laker purple. He said nothing, and in my head I was praying I hadn’t given him a seizure.

I was relieved to see him finish off another shot of Irish whiskey, grab his beer and walk away mumbling unpleasantries about the Yankees and Ed in his thick south Boston accent.

At that moment, I figured I had lost a comedic brother (which I will gladly do for the Cowboys, Lakers and Yankees) but I was relieved when Tom (in true comedian fashion) unexpectantly looked back at me smiling and said, “Do you know where he is? I’d like to get a picture with that dream snatcher who ruined my childhood.”

So, attention Ed Armbrister: I know you listen to my radio show, and hopefully by now you’re reading this column. If you’re not busy on Thursday, pick the time and your favourite stall at Fish Fry and lunch is on me. I really want an “ornery” Red Sox fan to meet a Bahamian legend and a piece of living Major League Baseball history all in one.

Plus I want to see him choke on his conch salad when you show him your 1975 (and 1976) World Series ring!

• Naughty presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ on the new KISS FM 96.1 from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday.