The Tribune

WEEK 17

By SANCHESKA and RENALDO DORSETT

Tribune Reporters

rdorsett@tribunemedia.net

New England Patriots at

Miami Dolphins

RENALDO: I’m usually apprehensive when the Dolphins are playing the Patriots under regular circumstances which means this week I’m pretty much walking around like Woody Allen at his most neurotic. Both teams have something to play for - New England clinches home-field advantage in the AFC with a win and a Dolphins win is the first step in becoming the fifth seed. The ‘Phins also need the Chiefs to lose to the Chargers. I guess I should just be happy to be in the conversation after Miami finally made its way back to the playoffs after a nearly 10-year hiatus but the goal post has moved. I mean if you had the choice of going on the road and playing Big Ben, Le’Veon Bell and Antonio Brown or playing Tom Savage…who would you choose? Can’t help but shake the eerie feeling that Michael Floyd is going to…never mind.

DOLPHINS over Pats

SANNIE: The Dolphins have been doing well but I don’t think they are ready for the Patriots. Sorry.

PATS over Dolphins

Carolina Panthers at

Tampa Bay Bucs

RENALDO: The Bucs need a ton of help, and not just because they chose Winston over Mariota. Tampa controlled their own fate until back-to-back losses, now their only way to get into the playoffs is to win in addition to a Racial Slurs tie, Packers loss and wins by the Titans, Colts, Cowboys and Niners. The Panthers are just hoping Cam Newton doesn’t get impaled and comes out of this game healthy enough for next year as the team attempts to get Cam some help at the skill positions and a new stylist in the offseason. Even if Cam gets impaled, is that even enough to draw a flag?

BUCS over Panthers

SANNIE: Boy, this one is rough. I want to be loyal but I also want to be smart. I’m way behind now. Ummmm, Bucs, I’m sorry Cam, I hope you understand.

BUCS over Panthers

Jacksonville Jags at

Indianapolis Colts

RENALDO: So many games with non-playoff implications this week. Can we just flex them out of the schedule to never?

COLTS over

Jags

SANNIE: Well the Jags have only won three games so this choice wasn’t hard.

COLTS over Jags

Chicago Bears at

Minnesota Vikings

RENALDO: Nope. There’s no chance anyone pays attention to this game.

VIKINGS

over Bears

SANNIE: The Bears have also only won two games. I will pass on them as well.

VIKINGS

over Bears

Cleveland Browns at

Pittsburgh Steelers

RENALDO: I’m aware the Browns exist only to disappoint, but what if their one game-winning streak built up some sort of momentum inspiring them to play than ever before. I would never wish CTE or injury on any player, just saying…the Browns need to make it as difficult as possible for the Steelers to recover. Stranger things have happened – LeBron chose to live there after living in Miami for four years.

STEELERS over

Browns

SANNIE: Good Lord, the Browns only won one game. What is happening with these teams and this season?

STEELERS over Browns

Buffalo Bills at

New York Jets

RENALDO: There’s a chance the Ryan brothers are stationed outside MetLife Stadium either panhandling, looking for work or just generally being gross.

BILLS over Jets

SANNIE: There are two New York teams? Yes, I am just learning this after all this time and this is the team that sucks. No thanks. I love New York but not this team.

BILLS over Jets

Dallas Cowboys at

Philadelphia Eagles

RENALDO: Tannehill, Carr, Mariota all went down. The Cowboys need to take a look at possibly sitting Dak Prescott down and playing that other guy….whatever his name is.

COWBOYS over Eagles

SANNIE: Well this is easy, the Cowboys have one of the best records in the league.

COWBOYS over Eagles

Houston Texans at

Tennessee Titans

RENALDO: No playoffs, no franchise quarterback, every reason to pack it in early and get started on vacation plans.

TITANS OVER Texans

SANNIE: Sticking with Queen B and her home town, even though this strategy doesn’t really seem to be working.

TEXANS over Titans

Baltimore Ravens at

Cincinnati Bengals

RENALDO: I’m just here to see if Steve Smith fights some young corner in his last NFL game…or if he gets hurt again and has to come back another year to “go out on his own terms.” I get the feeling “out on his own terms” means the Super Bowl so he definitely ends up in New England next year right?

RAVENS over Bengals

SANNIE: Let’s go with the Dirty Birds, only because the Ravens (not this team) has a place in my heart.

RAVENS over Bengals

Kansas City Chiefs at

San Diego Chargers

RENALDO: The Chiefs can win the AFC West title with a win and an Oakland loss, but they could also fall to the sixth seed with a loss and a Dolphins win. Seems like the perfect game for Alex Smith. At some point Phillip Rivers has to be down by four with less than a minute left to play and actually score the touchdown. He’s due.

CHARGERS over

Chiefs

SANNIE: Chiefs. Because the Chargers are in the top 5 teams that are trash (my personal list)

CHIEFS over Chargers

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos

RENALDO: I just read an article entitled “Ten things to know about Raiders QB Matt McGloin” – not one thing was interesting.

BRONCOS over Raiders

SANNIE: Boy, can the Raiders beat the Broncos? I can’t believe I am about to choose the Raiders again. Eddie, you better bring me good luck.

RAIDERS over Broncos

Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers

RENALDO: The de facto NFC West champs could become the second overall seed with a win and an Atlanta loses or ties. They’d also be No. 2 if they tie, the Falcons lose and the Packers/Lions game ends in a tie. I hate playoff math.

SEAHAWKS over Niners

SANNIE: Rusell Wilson.

SEAHAWKS over Niners

Arizona Cardinals at St. Louis Rams

RENALDO: Being flexed out of week 17…this isn’t how Larry Fitzgerald should go out. I blame James Harrison and Santonio Holmes.

CARDS over Rams

SANNIE: Well the Rams seem to be bad as well. These teams are really making these picks easy for me.

CARDS over Rams

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons

RENALDO: More playoff math talk, but of a slightly less annoying version. Falcons win and they get the second seed. It’s that simple, however, this is the Falcons and nothing is that simple. So even after they play the Saints to a 38 all tie, they still get the second seed with a Seahawks loss or tie, a Seahawks loss coupled with a Lions loss or tie and a Seahawks tie coupled with a Lions loss. Ok I was wrong, that was just as annoying as the rest of it.

FALCONS over Saints

SANNIE: Let’s go Atlanta! And please hurry up and bring a new episode of Real Housewives. It’s irritating how long this is taking.

FALCONS over Saints

New York Giants at Washington Racial Slurs

RENALDO: The Racial Slurs are still alive and with our luck they’ll probably make a run at the Super Bowl so we have to see their mascot as much as we were forced to see Cleveland’s baseball team. So the Racial Slurs get in if they win. A loss by the Packers or Bucs wouldn’t hurt.

GIANTS over Racial Slurs

New York Giants at Washington Racial Slurs  

SANNIE: New York…just because.

GIANTS over Racial Slurs

Green Bay Packers at Detroit Lions

RENALDO: This is how the season should end. One game, loser goes home match. Technically it’s a playoff game for both of these teams already. The winner gets the division. The loser starts vacation plans. Everyone should be allowed to use PEDs for this game. The Lions should get to bring Calvin Johnson back but only if the Packers can bring back the Alabama version of Eddie Lacy…before he started consuming cheeseburgers like tic-tacs.

PACKERS over Lions

SANNIE: Same record. Ok, the Lions because I want to go to Africa. It’s my reasoning; you don’t have to understand it.

LIONS over Packers