The Tribune

EDITOR, The Tribune.

In his rush to defend the hapless hopeless helpless leader of the opposition it seems Tennyson Wells forgot to throw in one key tidbit: an actual argument for why Dr Hubert Minnis would be a great prime minister.

Tennyson recited Dr Minnis’ CV, but recital does not an argument make. That’s called pandering.

He gave an unconvincing proffer of a sinister motivation behind The Graduate’s commentary and attempted to conflate it with the writing of a popular columnist. That’s called supposition.

Unable to resist an opportunity to toot his own horn he gave an out-of-context soliloquy on his holidays in Florida, an inflated attempt to show his commitment to FNM ideals. That’s not a defence. That’s called bragging.

It is folly for Tennyson to compare running a business, any business, with overseeing the delicate and potentially parlous affairs of a country, which is called statecraft.

My dear, dear Tennyson, the upcoming election is not about you. It should be about leadership, about ideas, about policy, about our future.

You sir, are a card-carrying member of the past and of your own self-interest.

Your attempt at surrogacy on behalf of Dr Minnis is akin to that wayward apostle, a certain Mr Iscariot, known for the quality of his kiss.

Dr Minnis is just the latest of a long list of politicians to whom Tennyson has pledged his unrequited love. The psychologists call this “insecure attachment”. We know it as currying favour or colouring one’s nose.

To some, this pattern of behaviour bespeaks a predisposition for political treachery. Perry Christie, who has apparently been ditched by Tennyson, can now confirm this. Hubert Ingraham can. The late Sir Cecil Wallace-Whitfield can, as Tennyson also ran against him for the leadership of the FNM. Is there another leadership run in his future?

That is not to say that Tennyson is immune to showing love and whispering sweet nothings into the ear of both Christie and Minnis in this election cycle. He is a compulsive political courtesan. He hibernates most of the term but when election season comes around he looks for a party leader with an outsized ego (Christie), or is distracted by other events (Wallace-Whitfield), or one that’s an inanimate object (Minnis).

When Minnis is no longer useful to Wells, he too will in all likelihood be thrown under the bus. But for now Tennyson is content to play the role of Geppetto, the puppet master who created and controlled Pinnocchio. Like Minnis, Pinnocchio was as stiff as a board and his only dream was to be treated as a real person. Michael Pintard can comment on the length of Minnis’ nose these days.

With Tennyson pulling the strings, we were subjected to high political theatre this week. On whose authority does a man who holds no party office get to publicly upbraid a sitting Member of Parliament (Dr Andre Rollins)? I bet that didn’t go down well in Fort Charlotte. But it’s not the first time that Tennyson tried to boss around someone with Long Island heritage. His meddling goes all the way back to Jimmy Knowles and before.

And what is this fascination Tennyson has with reciting his own resume every chance he gets? Stop playing the blame game, Tennyson, it is unbecoming of an aspiring consigliere. Remember your boss, Dr Minnis, is depending on you to make him look good. It should never be the other way around.

Were Dr Minnis not making a dog’s breakfast out of running the FNM in opposition there would be no need for surrogates and puppeteers like Tennyson. Minnis would sell himself.

Marketers advise that the key to selling a product, especially one the public may not want to buy, is branding. It just might be too late to try to apply the proverbial lipstick.

For the record, and because Tennyson is apparently pulling the strings these days, it might help to point out a few facts about Dr Minnis. I fully accept, of course, that Tennyson will see indisputable fact as cowardly opinion.

Dr Minnis has an extraordinary deficiency. He doesn’t connect with voters. Even Tennyson agrees that he is not an orator. Too bad Tennyson doesn’t appreciate that the ability to communicate with and to inspire voters is a key attribute for an aspiring prime minister.

A leader must have a clear vision. The late John F Kennedy articulated a vision to put a man on the moon. Sounded implausible at the time, but he got an army of believers because of his clarity. Dr Minnis’ vision is to be able to take a selfie with his foot on the desk at the Prime Minister’s office.

Credibility is a major requirement. Dr Minnis must be able to utter the words “trust me” with a straight face. Possessing character means that when he can’t utter those words because, perhaps, he has been duplicitous in his dealings with colleagues and others, he is able to utter two more words “I’m sorry”.

A great leader must be able to unite his party and be a terror on his feet in the House of Assembly. With Dr Minnis, let’s not go there.

Dr Minnis has not shown that he has a command of the issues that he will face from day one if he became Prime Minister. One-liners are good in a comedy sketch; they don’t work when you have to deal with real world issues that impact people’s lives.

Speaking of the real world, there are few Bahamians who don’t squirm when they think of how Dr Minnis would acquit himself from the granite podium at the United Nations, or in a one-on-one session with the President of the United States, whoever she or he might be. Even our brothers in Caricom might ask for an interpreter when he speaks. This is not innuendo, Tennyson, remember the “quagmire of web”?

Dr Minnis doesn’t understand carpe diem, not the words, the concept. A leader never misses an opportunity to seize the moment. This is instinctual. It’s in your gut. They don’t teach it in politics school and advisors can’t stand behind you and whisper “now” when an opportunity presents itself.

Straw vendors know instinctively when a big spender stops by their stall. That’s when they ooze charm and make the sale.

Somewhere a loyal FNM is dusting off an old LP record by Carole King from 1971. As radio DJ Jeff Scavella would say on his popular “Out Island You Asked For It” radio show back in the day: “Special dedication to the puppet master and his puppet – ‘Its too late baby, now, it’s too late’.”

For the record, Tennyson, I speak only for myself and therefore, according to the old-time British TV comedy “Are You Being Served”, I am unanimous.

THE GRADUATE

Nassau,

May 4, 2016.