The Tribune

By RENALDO DORSETT

Sports Reporter

rdorsett@tribunemedia.net

WEEK 4

Cincinnati Bengals at

Miami Dolphins

SANNIE: Sorry Renaldo, I have tried to be loyal but I can’t take this chance, these dudes are catching up.

BENGALS over

Dolphins

RENALDO: There needs to be a new category created for the Dolphins amongst the standings. Currently we have wins, losses and ties but the Dolphins need something more. We need something to accurately convey the Dolphins’ unique ability to nearly complete a comeback and still lose, or to win in such an unimpressive manner that we have even less confidence in the team than we did before. Someone get John Hollinger on this.

BENGALS over

Dolphins

Jacksonville Jaguars at

Indianapolis Colts

RENALDO: The entire football community should just admit one thing, we were all wrong about the Jaguars. The bandwagon was nearing maximum capacity in the offseason because they had all the tools to make the leap – young dynamic quarterback, playmakers on the outside, an investment in their defence. It all meant nothing. Clearly the only recourse here is to blame the helmet. You can’t have a two toned matte black/shiny gold helmet #ProTip. Why do they keep sending the Jaguars to play in  London every year? If your goal is the global expansion of the NFL brand shouldn’t you expert your best? Maybe the Jaguars are meant to convince Brits to just stick with the other football.

COLTS over Jags

SANNIE: Maybe Andrew Luck will bring me some luck. (I really hope he is playing, apparently I have been talking about people that aren’t even playing)

COLTS over Jags

New England Patriots at

Buffalo Bills

SANNIE: Tom Brady is slowly winning me over, his wife is already my woman crush everyday but he is a cutie too.

PATRIOTS over Bills

RENALDO: Tom Brady spent the week naked on a beach in Italy and is still the reason the Pats are winning. It’s weird but somehow it works. This relationship (or lack thereof) between Bill Belichick and Rex Ryan would make for a great Lifetime movie. Ryan has no interest in wins, contracts, Super Bowls or any other honours…all he wants is Belichick’s approval. That’s it. Rex is the overweight underachieving son acting out through anti social behaviour and an uber-competitive spirit just to get his dad (Belichick) to acknowledge his presence and tell him he’s proud of him. It’s the reason Ryan won’t coach anywhere outside of the AFC East. He needs to play against Bill at least twice a year.

Bill of course barely acknowledges the existence of Rex Ryan. He gets nothing more than the standard mumble in a press conference.

PATS over Bills

Houston Texans at

Tennessee Titans

SANNIE: Beyonce has been bringing me luck so far, so I’m going to stick with her on this one.

TEXANS over Titans

RENALDO: The Texans follow up their worst game of the last five years by losing their team leader of the last five years.

With JJ Watt on injured reserved, does this team have much to look forward to? Is Jadaveon Clowney still a thing? Maybe DeAndre Hopkins wears more Yeezys or Brockweiler continues to be tall. That’s about it though.

TITANS over Texans

Chicago Bears at

Detroit Lions

RENALDO: What’s at stake here in this game? A win solidifies you as the third best team in the NFC North. If it’s one thing the Lions love, it’s playing a bottom feeder defence (see week one matchup against the Colts). This game is great for fantasy football purposes….real life, not so much.

LIONS over Bears

SANNIE: “I’m not scared of Lions or Tigers or Bears, But I’m scared of…” sorry had a moment, that song was my jammmm a few years ago. Anyway, I think a bear can beat a lion so….

BEARS over Lions

Atlanta Falcons at

Carolina Panthers

SANNIE: Cam Newton.

PANTHERS over

Falcons

RENALDO: Cam Newton has to stop with the stupid hats and the “All Lives Matter” rhetoric. He’s so concerned about the brand, the crossover appeal and making the majority feel more comfortable with his character that he’s forgetting that’s how he reached this plateau in the first place. Cam needs to have a “Simba in the wilderness” moment pretty soon. I’ve got the perfect plan for Carolina - Make James Earl Jones your special guest at halftime, turn down the music at Bank of America stadium, have JEJ deliver the “remember who you are” line everyone loves and have Fozzy Whitaker dance around singing “asante sana squash bannan, wew nugu mimi hapana.” Cam would throw 14 touchdowns in the second half.

PANTHERS over

Falcons

New York Jets at

Seattle Seahawks

SANNIE: Apparently, I can’t choose the Seahawks and say Russell Wilson is my second baby daddy, soo I will chose them and say I love Ciara (that’s better).

SEAHAWKS over Jets

RENALDO: You had to know that game was coming from Ryan Fitzpatrick. He played perfectly against the Bills in week two, it was bound to come crashing down spectacularly and Fitzpatrically in week four. This game is dependent on the severity of Russell Wilson’s MCL sprain and until we get a definitive answer on his status, we’re all just guessing.

SEAHAWKS over Jets

Baltimore Ravens at

Oakland Raiders

SANNIE: I would not give Eddie the pleasure of choosing the Raiders.

RAVENS over Raiders

RENALDO: According to Ann Killion of the San Francisco Chronicle, Michael Crabtree wasn’t interested in discussing social activism after the Raiders beat the Titans on the road.

“I just play football,” Crabtree said. “I ain’t no Martin Luther King.”

I hope Crabtree knows that if he gets pulled over there’s a greater chance he gets treated like Rodney King.

Makes it hard to focus on football when I see athletes with that platform say something that stupid. Someone will score more points than someone else, blah, blah, blah…but I hope Richard Sherman flies in just in time to shout at Crabtree once the game is over.

RAIDERS over Ravens

Washington Racial Slurs

at Cleveland Browns

SANNIE: I know I said I would never choose the redskins because Renaldo hates them, but the Browns suck and I cant take the chance of losing this competition.

RACIAL SLURS

over Browns

RENALDO: Everyone circled this game on the calendar because it was supposed to be billed as RG3’s triumphant return to Racial Slurs stadium. Instead of leading the Browns to a win, he’s in a sling on the sidelines.

RACIAL SLURS

over Browns

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

at Denver Broncos

RENALDO: Trevor Siemian has exceeded expectations thus far. To be fair expectations were at the ground floor after the season Peyton Manning had last year but Siemian and his confusing last name have both been balling and shafted the competition.

BRONCOS over Bucs

SANNIE: My brother’s favourite team is the Bucs. His wife Linda beat me in fantasy football last week, soooo as payback, I hope his team loses.

BRONCOS over Bucs

Arizona Cardinals at

Los Angeles Rams

RENALDO: Bruce Arians has been calling Cardinals players out since week one. He wanted to set the tone early that lack of effort and performance would not be tolerated. No one was safe from his wrath. Arians would hold every player accountable and to prove this, the first roster casualty was….the long snapper. It’s going to be a long and confusing season in the desert.

CARDS over Rams

SANNIE: Does anyone else think of cream when they see Cardinal? It’s on sale by the way, go get you some.

CARDS over Rams

San Francisco 49ers at

Dallas Cowboys

RENALDO: This was an incredible game in the 90s and tough not to get nostalgic about this matchup when you see it on the schedule. Then you remember its 2016 and this game is Gabbert vs Prescott and possibly no Dez Bryant.

COWBOYS over Niners

SANNIE: Well hello Dak Prescott! Who are you? Where did you come from?

COWBOYS over Niners

San Diego Chargers at

New Orleans Saints

RENALDO: Philip Rivers has spent his entire career on a game winning drive, down by 4-6 points, needing a touchdown to win, with no timeouts…and fails every time. His career may be one of the most tragic stories when we watch his 30 for 30 years from now.

SAINTS over Chargers

SANNIE: The Saints haven’t won one single game. Not one. I am not a football pro but I do know what losing looks like.

CHARGERS over Saints

Pittsburgh Steelers at

Kansas City Chiefs

SANNIE: These teams have the same record so randomly I choose the Steelers. No real reason. STEELERS over Chiefs

RENALDO: It’s the perfect time for Le’Veon Bell to comeback. The Steelers come off of one of the worst offensive performances we’ve seen in the Roethlisberger era.

Big Ben needs Le’Veon Bell, he needs Martavis Bryant, most of all he needs the contact for a more discreet dealer and someone who knows how to beat the tests.

STEELERS over Chiefs

Minnesota Vikings at

New York Giants

RENALDO: At some point we have to quit the “I want to see if they can do it against (insert quarterback name here)” narrative. I’m all in with the Vikings.

VIKINGS over Giants

SANNIE: Minnesota sounds like a terrible place to live, I don’t know why it just sounds depressing.

GIANTS over Vikings