By Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya
To Whom It May Concern
Now that there has been reporting that our Minister of Education, Jerome Fitzgerald, has been allegedly caught with his hands in the proverbial cookie jar, some of you have rushed to judgment and declared he should resign.
Some of you - it seems - want to damage the Minister’s stellar reputation by bellyaching and complaining on social media and in real life that the hacked (and I stress hacked) emails the Minister allegedly sent to the former Baha Mar developer prove that the present administration is corrupt to its common core.
First off, I am here to say that the Minister neither confirms nor denies that the emails were sent from a personal account that just happens to bear his name. I think we can all agree that is all just circumstantial evidence. I mean, do we really know how many ‘Jerome Fitzgeralds’ there are in the world? I don’t think so.
Also, let’s just suppose that the emails were sent from the Minister’s account. Do we know that it was actually the Minister that typed the email? Do any of you have any shred of proof? I mean, did any of you actually witness him type those emails?
I think it’s important to remember that there was some hacking going on.
I am loathe to go into any more details about this matter but since you people have nothing better to do with your time than worry about corruption, nepotism, abuse of office and all these other insignificant things, we will attempt to answer some of the questions you ingrates ... I mean ‘some people’ ... have posted online without an iota of proven evidence.
The emails in question - which I am not saying came from Minister Fitzgerald - clearly show a businessperson who was merely looking out for his family’s business. Ask yourselves: who amongst you would not look out for your family’s business? Because whoever wouldn’t look out for their family’s business are really the ones that should be ashamed of themselves. And instead of posting ridiculous opinions online perhaps you should be out there working. And looking out for your family’s business.
Some people have also alleged that Minister Fitzgerald failed to inform his constituents in Marathon about the infamous Rubis Oil spill because he didn’t want to lose his good job in Cabinet.
Not that we’re saying the Minister said this, but if he did say it, can you blame him? Honestly, have you seen the unemployment numbers lately? Do you know how hard it is to get a job these days?
Some of you - and we’re making a list - have gone even further to imply that the Minister wanted to hold onto his cushiony position in Cabinet mainly to leverage such a powerful position to pressure developer Sarkis Izmirlian into giving brokerage and limo service contracts to the Minister’s family members.
As the Minister stated in his brief press release yesterday, no one can prove - I repeat, no one - that he owns those companies that would have benefited from those contracts.
Did the dishonest, fake news media report on that?
No they did not!
With respect to the so-called ‘sick’ constituents in Marathon, well it’s clear that whomever wrote those emails to Izmirlian and CCA has a sick relative as well. Should we start picking and choosing whose sick relative deserves $20,000 a month over another’s? Is that who we are as a people?
And let me just say that the insinuation that the Christie Administration was engaged in a massive cover up of the many conflicts of interests of many Cabinet Ministers when it sought to quash the Baha Mar bankruptcy proceedings in Delaware is totally unsubstantiated.
Mr Fitzgerald is not guilty.
Attorney General Maynard-Gibson is not guilty.
And Prime Minister Christie is not guilty.
Basically, nobody is not guilty.
The fake news media can continue to ask dumb questions like, ‘What did Christie know, and when did he know it?’ all they want. The Prime Minister, under our current laws, does not have to disclose what he doesn’t know. I’m sure any reasonable person can understand that what we do know is a matter of national security. And sovereignty. Because there are known knowns, known unknowns, unknown unknowns and - as is the case here - unknown knowns.
That’s a fact which we all know.
For those of you calling the Minister horrible names like ‘beggar’ and ‘pathetic’ and ‘liar’ and ‘corrupt’, have you asked yourselves, ‘What would Jesus do?’ Because I’ve read the Bible and Jesus never called for anyone to resign.
Besides - and I’m just being frank, here - no matter what the Lord says you would still have to go to Perry Christie. And Perry Christie is currently fully behind Minister Fitzgerald!
Finally, to those of you gloating over the irony that Minister Fitzgerald may have been the victim of having his personal emails made public on the heels of the Minister exposing the emails of the dubious ‘Save the Bays’ organisation, I say shame on you! Is this how we treat victims nowadays? How would you feel if this was your husband, son or rich uncle?
Because the Minister is very rich again. And rich people don’t have to beg. So that just kills that argument.
And to whomever released those emails - which we are not confirming came directly from Minister Fitzgerald - would it have been so hard for Sarkis to play ball?
I mean, if I had to choose between giving up a few million dollars’ worth of contracts and losing my three billion dollar resort I would fork over the cash and contracts every single time. Every. Single. Time.
But maybe that’s just me.
On a going forward basis, we will not be addressing this matter any further. But should you like to contribute to Minister Fitzgerald’s re-election campaign, please feel free to contact us or drop your cash off at the Minister’s Headquarters.
Press Secretary, Ministry of Mis-Education and Alternative Facts
• Inigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya is the resident stand-up comic at Jokers Wild Comedy Club at the Atlantis, Paradise Island, resort and presents ‘Mischief and Mayhem in da AM’ from 6am to 10am, Monday to Friday, and ‘The Press Box’ sports talk show on Sunday from 10am to 1pm on KISS FM 96.1. He also writes a sports column in The Tribune on Tuesday. Comments and questions to firstname.lastname@example.org