The Tribune

Cupboards have played an important role in Cheryl Ann Gajadhar’s life – they were the spaces which offered her refuge as a sexually abused and suicidal child.

And in the darkness of these cupboards, the Trinidad native found a ray of light, even in the midst of her pain and depression.

Today, the evangelist and author has found a new lease of life and, armed with her faith, is seeking to help other survivors of abuse and prevent abuse in the first place by recognising the warning signs.

Next week, she will be sharing more of her story when she takes part in a special conference at the Meliá Nassau Beach Resort. The event at which she will be speaking is the Mothers & Daughters Vessels of Honour Global Conference, scheduled for July 31 - August 5.

Cheryl Ann said she was five years old when the abuse began at the hands of her mother and the men she allowed into their home.

“I recall staying with my mother until the age of seven. She would have different men that would come into our home and she gave them consent to do what they wanted,” the author told Tribune Woman.

“I remember she would have me crawl into her bed, not that she wanted to love me as her child, but so that her man, whoever it was, could put his hands all over me, molesting me. There are times I tried to get under my mother, who then pushed me off and told me I should behave myself.”

Cheryl Ann said her abusers were basically “any male person that came into the house”.

“I remember one night holding a white sheet over me and heard the loud boisterous voice coming into the room. I shook with fear and the moment I saw the figure in front door I started screaming and screaming,” she recalled.

The abuse lasted until Cheryl Ann turned seven and was taken away by authorities after a complaint was made to the police.

She was later placed in a Trinidadian children’s home where she continued her habit of hiding in cupboards for safety and solace. She would emerge some time later pretending that all was well again.

As with many victims of abuse, Cheryl Ann was emotionally traumatised, felt fearful, hated who she was, and ultimately felt unloved and uncared for by her mother, the one person whom she believed was placed on earth to protect her.

“When my mother came and the authorities handed me over to her again I was scared that I would be hurt again, because now she had a new man and always told me to call him daddy. I never did and it angered her. I wanted to be really loved and held as a child needed to and not feel pain, hurt,” she said.

“At the age of 18 I ran away. My mother took me to the home of one she said was my aunt. I was not treated like her other kids, and I ran away and was walking the streets in the wee hours of the morning.”

Cheryl Ann shares a detailed account of the circumstances surrounding her abuse in her first book, entitled “Girl in the Cupboard”.

The book is an autobiographical portrayal of her life from childhood to adulthood, and the point where she was able to break free from the cycle of abuse.

“The turning point came when I realised that the only person who can heal and love the broken, confused traumatised, abused and trapped child that was in me, was Jesus. He loves me so much and it really took me a long time to really realise that He was there all the time. At the tender age of 10 I accepted Jesus in my heart and I love Him so much,” she said.

Cheryl Ann found her faith, but leaving the children’s home and navigating through life on her own still presented a daunting challenge, eventually leading her to her lowest point.

“I remember attempting to take my life with 24 Paracetamol 500mg pills. I was rushed to the hospital after writing my suicide note and thinking I was never coming back to face all the abusers. The doctors fought for my life even though they said I was already bleeding on the inside, but again God (intervened). At the hospital I saw so many people fighting for their lives while I wanted out. I cried out to God, repented, and I even helped a lot of patients that were there. God saved me. He is my inspiration and life and gave me the inspiration to write again and not die,” she said.

As a survivor of abuse, Cheryl Ann is passionate about speaking out against any kind of abuse of children. Following the publication of “The Girl in the Cupboard”, she wrote “Safety Tips: What Young Children Need to Know About Their Personal Safety”. This book is the fourth of Cheryl Ann’s published works and focuses on practical ways of protecting children from abusers.

“It was very important for me to share my information and life with the readers, because in my writing, I found it to be healing me. I was letting out. And in doing so it has been a therapy for me. I wanted my readers to know that all is well and all will be well with them, too, only if we just let go and let God in. I know that I am not the only one who has been through this, and by someone reading this they, too, can be healed and find some kind of comfort for themselves or their child/children,” she said.

“I want them to know that when they cry, I cry too. I was trapped, confused, bound and wanted to just cry out, not only for me, but for other trapped children out there. Now I feel so free again. I anticipate what is next in life for me and how I can live again and not die.”

Cheryl Ann is also an ordained prophetess and fellowships at Divine Encounter Ministry Internationally, Trinidad. She has written 15 books altogether, five of which have been published to date.

Those interested in hearing Cheryl Ann speak at next week’s conference can e-mail mothersndaughters2016@gmail.com or call 456-1294 for more information.