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A Comic's View: True Confessions

By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA

Okay, okay, okay, I’m glad so many of you enjoyed last week’s column.

Food store, gas station, corner bar .... I can’t lie it’s nice to see folks enjoy your work.

So, because I promised a few loyal readers “couple more” stories, here we go, and next week back to politics. I know you all saw the video of Minnis dancing!

SOMETHING’S FISHY

When I was in college, I went to this girl’s party the week after she beat the living daylights out of my home boy.

While everyone was getting trashed, I went around putting tuna inside all the curtain rods and weeks went by and they couldn’t figure out why the house smelled like festering death.

They caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing ‘New Jack Swing’ while I was in the background with a can of tuna.

Let’s just say, in true Bahamian fashion I had to duck out on the consequences!!

A COKE AND AN AISLE

A few years ago while doing a road gig in the states, my fellow comedians and I were going to see a movie in the theatre at the mall.

Instead of paying the ridiculous movie theatre prices for pop and candy, we decided to go to Target to buy some stuff.

This was when Coca Cola started to put people’s names on their bottles.

My good friend and fellow comedian Kenny Smith told me he had seen a bottle with my name on it inside this bin of Coke. I was weirdly excited since I hadn’t gotten one with my name on it yet. (Inigo or ‘Naughty’ aren’t easy to come by).

After I had bought the drink, I opened inside Target, and it exploded! EVERYWHERE.

The soda was at least five or six feet in diameter.

I watched as people passed the mess and made looks of disgust.

Imagine if I had opened it inside of the theatre… and once again in true Bahamian fashion I had to duck out on that scene too!

FLUSHING PHASE

When I was three or four years old, I had a phase of flushing things down the toilet.

I would flush McDonald’s toys I didn’t want any more or change I had found in my room.

The biggest and most hilarious thing I ever dumped was a gallon of milk.

One day I was bored and was looking around in the fridge, and lo and behold there it was, a new gallon of milk.

My tiny body dragged the bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom.

I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet, and flushed.

I thought I was smart enough to let it go unnoticed but I’ll never forget what my dad yelled out when he walked in.

“Why in the hell is the water white?!“

My mom found the empty carton and just stared at me.

Once again in true Bahamian fashion I tried to duck out, but my mom wasn’t having it, and that’s why I haven’t drunk milk from that day to this.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have tried to flush as many politicians as I could!

Comments

sheeprunner12 5 months ago

Not too late to flush ex-politicians down the toilet ......... do not recycle ONE of the PLP nominees from 2002, 2007, 2012 or 2017 in the next election.......... Hope those pre-2002 ones are all dead by then.

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