The Tribune

IN just a few days, Christmas Day will be here and we will all hear people saying some version of, “All that, and one day and it’s over.” The build-up to Christmas is long, everyone seems to be frantic, and everything is expensive and time-consuming. Many resources go into planning and executing Christmas activities, and for many of us, it is all an untouchable, unchangeable practice, but what if we took a step back?

The holiday period can quickly and easily fill with obligations. There seems to be no end to the list of tasks to complete, and this can be especially stressful when statutory holidays and weekends combine and there is uncertainty about what will be open when. The mysterious week between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day is always strange because it is not easy to predict which businesses will remain closed, which will operate during regular business hours on non-holidays, and which will open at the usual time and close unexpectedly at noon, 1pm, or even 3pm, but usually five minutes before you get there.

If you enjoy every bit of it, great, but if you find yourself resenting people, beyond tired, and financially struggling by the time January rolls around, it may be time to, at the very least, make a shift.

Is there more work than fun in the holiday season?

Plan something to look forward to. It is too late, at this point, to get everything done early. You just have to do what you can at this point, and make sure it includes a light at the end of the tunnel. Plan something especially enjoyable. It could be your favorite breakfast with a good friend on your patio, a walk on the beach, a simple photo shoot (which, by the way, you can accomplish with a camera and tripod), or a few hours without the children while they hang out with their favorite aunt. Maybe you need a few of these, spread across the holiday period. If you plan these moments, they are more likely to actually happen.

Are you always stressed at this time of year?

Reduce obligations. Some of us tend to take on far more responsibilities than anyone should. Does everyone see you as the capable one? The responsible one? The one with the most free time? None of this means you are the only person who can complete the tasks, and none of it means you have to be the one to do them. It does not matter that you have been doing them all along.

Last year could be the last time you took it all on. This year, you do not have the time. You do not have the space. You simply do not want to do it. You may not be ready to be honest about it, but you can definitely find ways to communicate that you will not be cooking both the turkey and the ham, braiding all seven of your nieces’ hair, taking your grandparents to watch night service, organizing the games, changing the curtains, and pressure washing the house. Maybe you can do two of those tasks, but not all of them. The sooner you let everyone know, the sooner they can organize themselves and re-delegate. Some things may not get done, but what is and is not done will be a team effort, not all dependent on you.

Is everyone getting on your nerves?

Exercise empathy. We are all having different experiences in what appears to be the same world. Remember that we are treated differently based on identity and circumstance. Some people struggle during the holidays because they do not have the resources to celebrate in the ways we have come to regard as normal. Buying a Christmas tree is a given for some households while for others it has never been possible. For some families, it used to be possible, but this year it cannot happen. For some, this is the first holiday since the death of a loved one. Some people are navigating difficult circumstances, from living in violent households to facing mental health challenges without support.

People often hide their struggles. Pity does not help. Judgment does not help. Many do their best to carry on as though everything is fine, but sometimes, the cracks start to show. This can happen in various ways. It may be a slip in memory so something did not get done, a sudden mood change that results in a screaming match, or isolation that others read as anti-social behaviour. When you see changes in behaviour, do not make it about you. Acknowledge that you do not know everything about anyone. What you see could be only 20 percent what is actually going on. If you can, ask if they need to talk, or if they need help. Deescalate arguments. Decenter yourself. You may not have the capacity to help them, but do your best not to guilt or ridicule them if they are having a tough time.

Are inappropriate behaviours spoiling the day?

Name behaviour or ask them to explain. In many cases, people behave inappropriately because no one says anything to them about it. They are used to getting away with lewd comments, rude questions, and offensive “jokes.” When you call it what it is, they have to face it, and it draws the attention of others. Sometimes other people will push back, and they may even say, “That’s just how he is,” or telling you to respect an older person. You do not have to accept it because other people do. If you prefer not to be direct in confronting the situation, you can feign ignorance. If someone makes jokes that, for example, are racist or misogynistic, you can ask, “Why is that funny?” You can say that you do not understand the joke. People usually do not want to explain that their “joke” is funny because a particular group of people is inferior because, on some level, they know that they are wrong. Change the dynamic by putting them in the awkward position.

Sick and tired?

Feel free to leave. One of the biggest mistakes many of us make is staying in places where we are uncomfortable or simply do not want to be any more. Maybe it is boring. Maybe that annoying uncle arrived. Maybe there are too many loud, drunk people. Maybe no one considered the fact that you are gluten-free and the only things on the table that you can eat are salad and beets. Maybe you have been there the longest because you set up. Maybe the event is at your house and you have not had a chance to sit down all day. You do not have to make an announcement. If you need ten minutes alone in the bathroom, go for it. If you want to rant to a friend for five minutes, go sit in your car. If you are truly done for the day, drive away. There is no prize for sticking it out. Prioritise your peace.

Recommendations

1. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. This is the story of a friendship. Sam and Sadie meet in a hospital where Sam and Sadie’s sister are receiving treatment. Both gamers, they become friends, their friendship ends, and they reconnect years later. The story really picks up when they design Ichigo, a game that takes off and propels them to instant fame. The novel has quite a bit of focus on the gaming world, but it is all about the relationship between Sam and Sadie and how it evolves over time.

2. The Great British Bake Off. This is one of the easiest kitchen competition shows to watch because all of the participants come across as good-natured and helpful, and the judge, while honest, are encouraging and kind in the delivery of their feedback. In Season 3, the participants range in age from 17 to 69, and they all show great skill and creativity. One of the best parts of the show is the way they all support one another, and they can be seen, on more than one occasion, helping someone who needs another set of hands to complete a challenge.