The Tribune

By Dr Ian

Bethell-Bennett

RUN to survive; run as hard as you can. But even then the nightmare pulls you back and down.

This is how many young men feel in our country. It is sad when we listen to them tell their stories and we understand how under attack they feel. Many are confused and angry, but not yet disaffected; they are simply trying to figure out how to survive in this suddenly hostile world.

All of a sudden, they have hit puberty and are now experiencing all kinds of conflicts. First, no one has had a conversation with them to tell them how to be a man. Second, no one has taken the time to share anything with them about how to survive. Third, no one has spent any time with them to ask them how they feel.

More and more young males seem to be talking about, but not without a great deal of coaxing, their lives or aspects of their lives.

They say that they are not bad people, so they are confused as to why so many people treat them as if they were untamed animals, dangerous.

They are chased by police; they are chased down by thugs; they are chased down by bullies.

They must stand up to all these constant attacks, but have no idea how to do so without losing who they are and becoming someone else.

Of course they do not say that in those words, but they do say they are good people. Their questions are always around, “Why do people assume that I am bad, why do they think that I am criminal? How can they see that when I am simply me?”

Many of them have fathers they do not know. Others have fathers they wish they did not know. Some have mothers with whom they are deeply angry, others are brought up by grandmothers who are severely out of touch with their reality, but whom they revere.

Here’s where we are experiencing breakdown. We treat most of these young men as if they had nothing to contribute to the world. That pushes them further into isolation and anger.

Many of them are left to survive as best they can.

If they are of Haitian descent, we treat them even worse.

We refuse them access to the possibility of success. I wish that some of the men who beat the Jesus out of these boys would stop and see if there were not another way to deal with them, before they deliver the first blow, either metaphorical or literal.

The first blow could be ignoring a boy’s request for help; he acts up and so we shut him down.

We put them out of classes because they are disruptive.

Have we ever thought about trying to find another way that includes positive reinforcement as apposed to negative modelling and isolation?

The other day on the road, not sure what was happening, but testosterone met asphalt and things were out of control.

Police cars were everywhere, police officers where everywhere, young people were walking down the centre of the road, across the lines of traffic, weaving around cars and life seemed to be suspended in chaos.

Sirens were screeching, loud speakers were on, young men with boxers hanging out of jeans that were too low to walk comfortably, who were probably afraid as hell, but performing their understanding of masculinity because of their Hollywood dreams. (It was a Hollywood moment, and not a good one).

They are set up by their testosterone, their boys and the pressure to appear to be a man while they are really still boys.

The threat comes over the loudspeaker, “If I see you on this road again today, you coming with me.” That threat would frighten me, but it has been laid down as a challenge. At least one of those packs of young boys will rise to the challenge because that is what we teach them they need to do. Once that is done, they will probably be lost to positive action for many years; and if they survive, they may emerge in their late 20s or early 30s as men who have turned their lives around, but not because of the system, in fact they have turned them around in spite of the system – that is if they survive.

Someone said the other day that things seemed to be better in the schools. Kids seemed to be less afraid. Sadly, the kids are even more afraid, but they have less to lose. They act out the roles they are allowed, they understand that they as young men must be tough. They can jump on the hood of a car and emerge unscathed because they believe Hollywood. Their reality is not tempered by responsible grown-ups teaching them boring life lessons. Yes, those lessons are cheesy and boring, but they often keep them alive. They show them that there is a place for them in the world.

Right now, we have a bunch of young boys who see no place for themselves in their world. So they carry on in Hollywood style insanity, as if Hollywood were real.

‘We need to discipline these youngsters! We need to beat them into submission!’ ‘Get the Cat’, as they cry goes. Let’s think about it though.

When we beat them into submission, we are training them to respond equally. When we chain dogs to a post outside, the kids and others who go by taunt and tease them; they get angry. As soon as that dog is loose, he will attack the person who either knowingly or unknowingly provokes him.

Can we train our youth not to tease the dogs?

Can we change the way law enforcement officials deal with these children who are tied to impossibility of being poor, unparented, testosterone-filled, bombs ready to explode?

Let us teach people who have children how to parent? Why does the state insist on creating this mess by insisting that young men are destroying the country? Mouth open – fall out.

What I see are a bunch of sad and confused young men who are trained to be one thing, only because they are never allowed to live up to their full potential.

They are taught to run or fight!