By INIGO 'NAUGHTY' ZENICAZELAYA
School bells are ringing across the nation, and once again, the dreaded school run is right back upon us.
Yes, I will miss having my sons around the house, keeping me busy all day, while eating everything in sight.
However, I am a firm believer in that old saying - “A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
So back to school you go, my sons, study hard and learn well, as I get back to enjoying peace and quiet between the hours of 6am and 3pm. (Working morning radio has its perks).
So, as we all prepare for back to school, and the good, bad and ugly it brings.
Here are a few funny ones to help you laugh through the ordeal that is back to school.
KNOW YOUR PUPILS
A headmaster, new to the school, is making his rounds, when he hears a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He rushes in and spots one boy, taller than the others, who seems to be making the most noise.
He seizes the young man, drags him to the hall, and tells him to wait there until further instruction.
Returning to the classroom, the headmaster restores order and lectures the class for half an hour about the importance of good behaviour.
Afterwards he asks the class,
“Are there any questions?”
One girl stands up timidly.
“Please sir,” she asks, “may we have our teacher back?”
FIRST OF MANY
A middle school boy comes home, from his first day at school.
His mother asked him,
‘What did you learn today?’
‘Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.’
SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
MOTHER - ‘Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.’
SON - ‘But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.’
MOTHER - ‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’
SON - ‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’
MOTHER - ‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’
SON- ‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’
MOTHER - ‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!’
SUMMER IS OVER
The summer holiday was over and young Tyrone returned to public school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that Tyrone was misbehaving and acting out.
“Wait a minute,” the mother said. “ had Tyrone with me for eight weeks and I never called you once when he misbehaved or acted out!
One night a father came home, and he was astonished to see his son Toby sitting on his “hobby horse”, writing something.
“What on earth are you doing there?“ he asked his son.
“Well, the teacher told us to write an essay on our favourite animal.”
Answered Toby, continuing with -
“That’s why I’m here and that’s why my sister is sitting in the goldfish bowl.”
In closing, I will leave you with a poem from Gareth Lancaster:
I got up late for school today,
And nearly missed the bus!
I hurried down the stairs,
Wolfed my toast, and caused a fuss!
I quickly threw books in my bag,
My pens, my lunch and shorts.
Grabbed my coat from out the cupboard,
Took my bat and ball for sports.
I slid across the kitchen floor,
And hopped around the cat!
Then expertly rolled over,
Jumped back up and grabbed my hat!
I belted out of our front door,
Spun round and swung it shut.
Saw the bus was waiting for me,
I felt I had time to strut!
I climbed aboard and then froze still,
And knew that things weren’t right!
My friends fell down in fits of fun,
And pointed with delight!
My face went red, I couldn’t breathe,
For in my haste I knew,
I’d forgotten to wear my pants and shirt, and I only had on one shoe.