By Iñigo ‘Naughty’ Zenicazelaya
REMEMBER all the jokes we made about having that 2021 vision board as the hellscape that was 2020 exited and the new year rolled in, and how we all had the perfect resolutions for 2021 after a hellacious 2020?
How lost were we thinking 2021 would be so much different and better then 2020.
This past year hasn’t been much better, and honestly like 2020, it felt like 2021 would never end.
Thankfully at midnight it all does.
Make way for a New Year, 2022, and all the New Year’s resolutions that come along with it. (This should be very interesting).
At first New Year’s resolutions were considered very serious by many, but slowly over time, they have turned into the source of great hilarity.
There are many people that make memes and jokes out of New Year’s resolutions, (I’m one) and spread them among friends for a laugh, you know spreading the holiday cheer.
Hopefully we won’t go into 2022 with eyes wide shut, hoping for the best, etc.
Sadly due to the antics of ‘20 and ‘21 I’m meeting ‘22 with all the wisdom and sarcasm it deserves. I’m not getting fooled again and I’m holding back no punches.
Tomorrow is the accepted time to make your regular annual New Year’s resolutions, and next week is the expected time you can begin paving the road to hell with them.
I’m sure I will see many of your New Year’s resolutions all over social media at some point over the next couple of days.
So it’s only fair that you see mine.
Here are my Ten New Year’s Resolutions for 2022, buckle up!
‘NAUGHTY’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS’
1 To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time or run for parliament.
2 To quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
3 To not bore my wife with the same old excuses for not helping around the house. I will do better and think of some new more original excuses.
4 To be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with Jack Daniels.
5 To exercise more self-control, even though I already have a rule not to drink anything stronger than beer before breakfast.
6 To take up a new hobby such as procrastination.
7 To stop blaming my farts on the dog.
8 To save money for a rainy day. That way I can shop online instead of having to go to an actual store.
9 To stop drinking orange juice after I’ve just brushed my teeth.
10 To help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier through your the year. BONUS
11 To scrap my New Year’s resolutions, as soon as some of you start paying more attention to my resolutions than your own.
Now please bear in mind, before you get all worked up making New Year’s resolutions and attempting to keep them, that a New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
New Year’s resolutions aren’t a life-changing event.
If your life sucked last year, it’s probably going to suck tomorrow.
Now that we’ve gotten that dose of reality out of the way, focus on this moving forward into the new year of 2022.
“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” - Buddha
Happy New Years everyone, all the best to you and yours in 2022.